Be present in the moment because you have an expiration date!

I love the title of this blog; it is a funny way of reminding us that life is short.  It has always been my philosophy that yesterday is a cancelled check, forget it, tomorrow is a promissory note, don’t count on it, today is cash, spend it wisely. 

The idea of being present is hard for most of us.  Being aware of life as it is happening is difficult, as we are so used to sacrificing living in pursuit of our goals.  I worked hard in my life and after experiencing much disappointment, I found that what I had been taught and was doing, was exactly the opposite of what I should be doing!  By adopting the philosophy of living in the present, I was more able to achieve both my work and personal goals, with the end result being that I was actually enjoying my life more.  It turns out that being present actually allows you to live your life to the fullest, enjoying your friends, family and yes, even food more.  

OK, let me stress here that I detest the word “multi-tasking.”   People, listen to me; you need to stop trying to do this!  Just do one thing, focus on that one thing, and be present, even if it’s just cleaning the house.  Zen proverb: "When walking, walk. When eating, eat."  multi-tasking is the chant of corporate America; their claim is that it will increase productivity, as they pile on more and more work. The reality is that it doesn’t increase productivity!  I can’t tell you how many resumes I read that stated the candidate was excellent at multitasking.  They even put this in employee reviews, seriously!  Society actually believes that being an expert at multitasking is the new cure-all for productivity.  Unfortunately a fact that I believe has been deeply ingrained in all of us.

 According to David Meyer, a cognitive scientist at the University of Michigan: "When you perform multiple tasks that each require some of the same channels of processing, conflicts will arise between the tasks, and you're going to have to pick and choose which task you're going to focus on and devote a channel of processing to it."  Translation - focus on one task.  Counter to common belief, you can't do two complicated tasks at once, and according to Meyers: When you're on the phone and writing an e-mail at the same time, you're actually switching back and forth between them, since there's only one mental and neural channel through which language flows. "If you have a complicated task, it requires all your attention, and if you're trying to spread your attention over multiple tasks, it's not going to work."  You crash and burn, doing neither task well. 

 I know, I know, this is nonconformist thinking in today’s time-urgent world.  But take it from someone who crashed and burned trying to do this, you will fail, mistakes will be made, and in the end the only one who loses is you.  If you want to be creative then you must set aside large pieces of time where you just think.  As Meyer’s says, "Einstein was not multitasking when he was dreaming up the special and general theories of relativity."  Us old hippies called this meditating.  Interesting, huh?

 

In order to live in the moment you must look for the beauty in everyday activities, which I confess, requires concentration, and the most important part of all, participation. Most people have the tendency to treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome, rather than just taking a deep breath and letting it be…. just breathe and realize that life actually unfolds in the present! Live in the moment, which I am told, also is called mindfulness.  When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts without judging them.

 

I remember a time when I was sitting at work just waiting in anticipation for my upcoming vacation, only to finally be on vacation and find that I was stressing about my job and the work piling up. What we do is dwell on meddlesome memories of the past and stress about what may or may not happen in the future, thus allowing our thoughts to control us and suck the life and joy out of the moment. 

 

Kabat-Zinn, a biomedical scientist states, “To find the sense of balance that eludes us, we need to step out of this current, to pause, and to rest in stillness—to stop doing and focus on just being."  I’m sure you’re thinking she’s crazy, how can I do that?  Well, for myself I found that I needed to be less self-conscience when trying new things.  To worry less about what people would think about me and as Nike says, “Just do it!”  Stop caring about not winning the marathon, or that you’re not the best dancer, singer, etc.  Let go of the silly drama, stop making it a self-esteem issue, stop beating yourself up and being so critical.  Just get in the moment and enjoy! I also found that if I set myself small attainable goals, such as sharing my thoughts in a blog, or learning that next dance step, or learning a new song, or planting that new butterfly garden, my self-consciousness evaporates.  Are you with me so far?  

 In my journey, I discovered the most important thing I could do for myself was to stop worrying about the future and just savor the present.  I realized that I got so caught up in the future, I forget to experience the now.  I am quite sure we have all been guilty of worrying about something that hasn’t yet happened or might not happen at all, only to discover this worry did nothing but cause us depression and anxiety.   Worry, by its very nature, means thinking about the future.   It is so very important to live in the now because most negative thoughts revolve around the past or the future.  As Mark Twain said, "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."  As I have grown wiser, my way of saying older, <Grin> I have discovered that if I focus on the present moment, whether it just be savoring my Starbucks chai tea, working in my garden, or hanging out with my grandkids, the worrying simply dissolves away!  

In my retirement journey, I found that the real success in making the most of my time (the jury is still out on whether this happened by choice or it “just happened”) <Grin>, was losing track of time. This means I was totally absorbed in the moment, call it a senior moment if you must, but for me it is the secret of living in the now.  Sometime just observe the young children as they dance around singing their silly songs and enjoying what they are doing right then, not caring about how they look or what anyone else thinks, not seeking approval, just enjoying what they are doing, that’s living in the now.  

I have often heard my daughter advising my grandkids, during a moment, whether it be strife or sadness, “OWN IT!”   Great advice; if something is bothering you, you should move toward it, rather than away from it, accept that it’s OK to feel sad or mad and that some things are beyond our control, and so you embrace it.  Let me clarify, this is not resignation; it is accepting and allowing yourself to feel sad, mad, embarrassed and then moving on to something else.  I would call that simply acceptance. <Grin> 

  

 I really love what Groucho Marx said on this subject, “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead; tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”  That's what I believe, when you get up each day you simply choose your attitude!

 

On that note I shall leave you with my final thoughts; the hippie in me says if you want inner peace, well being and happiness, meditate!   My wish for you is that as you're reading this, you're living in the moment, remembering that nothing has to happen next.   And if you take nothing else away from this, remember living in the now is not a destination, this is it, and you’re already there.

 

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or "my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’….

 

 

 

Is there an art to making friends?

It hardly seems possible, but I am entering the one-year mark of my retirement.  During this year I have finally joined some clubs that piqued my interest, about which I was feeling pretty good and proud of myself.  Then I realized, hmmm, although I had committed and was actively participating I wasn’t you know, really committed to the people. I basically kept them at arm’s length.

With this on my mind, I was sitting at the pool with my 9-year-old granddaughter, who had recently been awarded a good citizen award at her school, which we were discussing.  And as I told her how proud of her I was, the conversation took a turn, as it is want to do with 9-year-old girls, and she began talking quite animatedly about her girlfriends. It made me smile as I could tell how deeply she felt about her friends.  During this tête-à-tête I asked her, “What made you pick them as a friend?”  She paused and said very matter of factly, I might add, “Because they are funny, they make me laugh, they are nice to people and basically we have things in common.  You hang out with them, and then if you like them, well, then you are friends.”  She told me all this with the attitude only a 9-year-old can have and with that incredulous look that really said, what do you think Gram!

Hmm, I thought; the friends I have are friends I have made over the years from my career, people with whom I had shared work stress, success, and a common interest.  I saw and spent time with them every day of my life.  Then I thought well, my best friends are really my husband and my sister. 

Interesting, the definition of a friend is:  a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.  According to the definition of a friend I guess it would exclude my BFF hubby and my sis.  So I texted my sister and “friend” (no matter what the definition says, she is always truthful and I know things come from a place of love) and I said, “I am trying to figure out why I have been keeping people I meet at arm’s length, for some reason I don’t really want to get involved with them.”

I wondered if it was an age difference thing; most of the people here are from a different generation than I am; they are well, my parent’s age.  I am forever making them lift up an eyebrow with some of my ideas and comments. They don’t really seem to like or embrace change. I am from a generation that loves change.  As I am talking to them I must admit I do find them fascinating, as they lived through wars and a depression, and it’s great to hear these stories. How the women went to work during the war as it was their patriotic duty, how they were told by their government that they would leave the workforce after the war and stay at home while their husbands made the money to support the family.  Say What!!!!

Having grown up a Boomer, and being from the hippie generation and women’s lib, you can see the gap here, I’m thinking. <Grin> this is one of the key reasons I gave to myself for not making friends.  But then I tell myself, nice try, there are those moving into the community who are from my generation.

So I continued to do as I always do, observed those around me and how they interact with each other.  While at a club meeting, I was deep into a text during the break, from an old work friend who was letting me know about a work acquaintance who had recently passed away. One of the older club members (meaning not of my generation) <Grin> said, “Sit up, you’re getting a crick in your neck.”  Boy, talk about feeling like your mother is talking to you! Well she got my attention, ha ha.  I smiled and thought to myself, I think that was her way of hinting that I should be up getting coffee and talking to live people.  Their generation seems to feel it’s their duty to teach us how to behave, again why I keep them at arm’s length.

Where would we be without friends? The people who pick you up when you need lifting? We all come from homes and lives that are far from perfect, so you end up almost parent and sibling to your friends, in a sense your own chosen family. In my heart and mind I know there is nothing like a really loyal, dependable good friend. True friends are really a blessing, and that which we take the least care to acquire.

So I’m wondering what my problem is, I think that friendship is a responsibility, never an opportunity? Maybe that’s it, I don’t want the responsibility, or maybe its selfishness. I know and have heard all the clichés - a friend is someone who brings out the best in you, a friend freely advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends you courageously, and continues being a friend unchangeably.  But then the little nagging voice inside my head says isn’t it true there is a dark self-interest behind every friendship; there is no friendship without self-interest? 

But the good stuff rattling around in my head are the words of George Washington, “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”  This sounds a tad like what my little 9-year-old granddaughter said to me, “Hang out with them, and see if you like them, and what they are all about!”  Out of the mouths of babes!

So, after much back and forth texting with my sister, and as she said, “What have you got to lose?”  I’ve decided that after all there are really no strangers, just friends you have yet to meet.  So I shall end this blog with my final thoughts on this subject, to have a friend you have to be a friend.  

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

Baby Boomers and Technology

I am a Geek, I love technology!  I had a cell phone back in the day when it was a huge giant box in your car and the cost was ridiculous; what am I thinking the cost is still ridiculous today.  I read somewhere that it is actually a family’s largest utility bill.  I must confess to you as I delve into this topic, I am a diehard Apple fan!  I have had nothing but iPhone's from the first release, and I have stuck with them through all the growing pains, and every reiteration that came out, as Apple strived for the perfect phone.  My love of Apple has caused many heated discussions within my family and friends circle, Apple VS Android.  For a long time I was the only Apple fan, that is until my teenage grandson and sister joined me. This is much like the Chevy vs. Ford debates of my youth.

Whether you are a loyal Apple fan or not, you have to admit, they create the most brilliant devices, and everyone else follows suit.  Why do I love all this new technology?  Well the number one reason is, I love being instantly in touch with my kids and my grand-kids.  They will respond to a text, or answer me on FaceTime.  They’ve always hated getting on the phone when they are busy, just the same as I do.  They will send me a picture of what they are doing, with a funny text, it allows me to be a part of their daily lives, and know what they are all up to.  Another key reason I love new technology is;  I believe when you stop growing and learning, well it’s time to bury you, and new technology keeps my mind alert, especially in trying to figure it out.  I must also confess I have an Alien Ware computer for gaming, two iPods, an iPad, desktop computer, and an iPhone, not to mention the 60” TV for playing computer games online with my Xbox (really it’s for the grandkids when they come).  I told you I was a geek.

The most interesting thing to me is all the comments made about oldsters like me being  technologically challenged!  This I think is a myth spread by our children, the infamous Generation X.  But let me tell you, that is not the case at all.  Boomers have grown up with computers, from the first computers with IBM punch cards to the desk computer with the infamous green screens.  We had to adapt or die in the work place.

I recall many of my coworkers were freaked out that the computers were going to replace them, and they would lose their jobs.  As I kept reminiscing I began laughing as I recalled the last years of my work career where email became the corner stone of my primary job; it seemed that’s all I did was read and answer emails.  Seriously, emails, not phone calls.  Back in the day “who would’ve thunk it,” a computer in every home, then laptops and my personal favorite, the iPad!

When I retired, BFF Hubby and I did away with the landline phone, we both carry cell phones, or as he refers to it, his electronic leash.  He resisted it for some time but I finally got him on board with the smart phone, I keep him one iPhone release behind, so I have time to figure it all out before I give him one.  Baby steps, but let me tell you it was a victory! <Grin>

As a card carrying member of the Baby Boomer generation, I want to set the record straight; it’s a myth that the young rule the technology industry.  Did you know that Steve Jobs was 52 when he introduced the iPhone?   Did you know that in every year from 1996 to 2013, Americans in the 55-to-64 age group started new businesses at a higher rate than those in their twenties and thirties?  Those from the ages of 55 to 64 started 14 percent of all new businesses in 1996 but nearly 24 percent of them in 2013.  Don’t believe me?  Well then Google it; Google is after all the new library.  

To survive in the work place Boomers became excellent at adapting to the ever-changing world of technology and embracing it.  I suppose I shouldn’t generalize but if you worked you had no choice; and as a whole I believe with boomers, well really with all ages of people, they either are or aren’t adaptable.  Boomers are just as tech savvy as their children or the Generation Xers are, we are just well, older.  

What I have been observing in the Boomers I am around, including myself, we just aren’t as patient anymore.  And because of this lack of patience, it’s too easy to call our kids and say help me, it’s not working. I  am guilty of that; my son-in-law is a detective in computer forensics, so in my eyes that makes him an expert on all the new technology.   So rather than power through a problem and try to solve it myself, I take the quick easy way and just call him.  

Then one day when making such a call, my daughter said to me, “He’s really busy Mom, did you try to fix it first before calling him?”  Hmmm, I really thought about it.  I took a step back, wow; I am becoming impatient and too reliant on my son-in-law.  This has to stop!  So I started fixing and troubleshooting for myself, researching things on line and looking at the message boards/blogs where others had similar problems and found a resolution.  The last holdout however, is BFF hubby; he is not as trusting of my abilities and will immediately call my son-in-law, much to my dismay.  BFF Hubby is the king of impatient where electronic devices are concerned.

Am I sounding like an Apple Commercial?  Well, for the record I think the Apple Watch is ridiculous.  OK, OK, not the watch but the price, because that means I can’t have one with a $10,000 price tag.  But I digress, one of the awesome things I love about Apple products are that they are user friendly and really have the best self-help online.  It also helps that my sister is an Apple fan as well; I can always call on her to help solve it.  Oh, by the way, she’s a baby boomer too, just sayin’. 

In the community of Sun Lakes, I see oldsters of all ages using Androids,iPhone’s, Kindles, iPads, and iPods.  So it would appear even the generation prior to the baby boomers, our parents since they are living longer, have had to adapt.  I can attest to this personally as BFF Hubby’s mother just turned 90 years young; she moved from her old cell phone to a smart phone.  On her own one day she went out and got a Galaxy S5 and she texts!  She has also signed up for the computer club here in Sun Lakes so she can learn more about Windows 8, which makes her ahead of me; I have not yet embraced Windows 8. The point here is they have a computer club for us oldster geeks, and those who want to stay abreast of new technology.

So I shall leave you with my final thoughts on this subject, well for today at least, Boomers aren’t tech novices, and we keep this fact well hidden, I think we like it that way.  Perhaps patience is the major block for some in adapting to new technology, or… maybe it is less that boomers are not adapting to new technology, but because they still want to make their children feel needed and that they are smarter than us. I know after I got yet another lecture on how to attach a photo to an email, I would hang up the phone and laugh silently to myself, the photo already attached. The future is so much bigger than the past, so I shall keep on embracing the changes. 

 Be sure and stay with me for more ramblings and observations… and thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…