How do you know when is it time to move on and let it go?

This month’s blog topic was difficult for me to come up with, what with Father’s Day approaching and all the news about upcoming candidacies for President. All my thoughts seemed to be overshadowed by the terrorist attack in Florida, making me feel helpless, sad and angry. As I seemed to be obsessing over it, my BFF hubby kept saying get over it, let it go, move on. So I decided that would be this month’s topic. I apologize for the lack of humor, but it was a topic I felt needed to be touched upon.

 
   

 As I read the many postings on FB, listened to the posturing of our politicians, including the upcoming candidates and our President, I was appalled and amazed that people did not want to refer to it as a Terror attack. As I watched the grieving parents and all the funerals, well I decided I needed to get something off my chest.

Those who really know me, know why I have very strong opinions on Gun Control, however I will not discuss that topic with people as it is another that people are very passionate about. I also devoted an entire blog as to why you should not discuss politics on FB.  However, I got so disgusted at the direction the postings were taking and I just could not leave it alone, I had to comment and this is what I said…

“Ok I said I wouldn’t comment but after reading all the posts....well here goes....what happened in Orlando is not about gun control! What happened at the Pulse Night Club was not only a mass shooting but a terrorist attack! We are dealing with terrorism...an evil individual that targeted Gay Americans because of a warped Islam championed vision that both American and Gay are labels that warrant a violent death! It was a MONSTER who pledged his allegiance to an Islamic terrorist organization.....the solution to terrorism is not to blame the gun lobby but to fight and destroy terrorism both at home and abroad....gun control is a whole separate conversation....”

Everything going on was obviously affecting and bothering me. I know that I was not alone in this, as I could see and hear how it was affecting others.  We were all being constantly barraged by the media - on smart phones, Twitter, Facebook, television and the Wall Street Journal, and they were keeping the topic alive and always in our face.  All this is what led me to today’s blog topic: When is it time to move on and let it go?

Everyone says let it go, which only makes me want to scream, “Hello, you telling me to do that doesn’t make it happen, don’t you think I would stop thinking about all this if I could?” My mom used to tell me to just move on and get over it, let it go.

Eckhart Tolle tells us whenever negative things happen to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it. But I keep wondering what it is that makes a human being choose love over hate, understanding over anger, and belief over fear? Especially those victims of violent crimes, the unthinkable things we hear about on the news. I feel that it is an outrage that something like this can happen.  These type of tragic events shake me to my very core.  But I have decided to tell myself maybe we are not always supposed to know and understand the why.  I do believe there is a reason behind everything, which I know sounds cliché but I truly feel in my heart that there is something that has to and must be gained from this horrific tragedy.

I believe there is beauty in the human spirit, that we all have it in us to be pillars of strength and compassion and are an experiment in spiritual evolution.  I suppose that is the hippie coming out in me, as I believe in Karma, and as Eckhart Tolle tells us, it is not all the things that happen to you that your pain arises from, but your reaction to it. The experts tell us that pain invites us to grow. The first instinct of most of us is to shut ourselves off from the rest of the world.

 
       The experts tell us that life’s challenges, no matter how senseless they seem, are not supposed to paralyze us, they are supposed to help us to discover who we are.  Whenever we are faced with a personal tragedy, an act of terror, a natural disaster or genocide, joy and moving on just doesn’t seem like the correct response. It seems to me that expressing any joy after such an event mocks the tragedy.  The experts tell me this is not necessarily true. They say you experience not really joy, but a degree of openness and a sense of love. The experts tell us there are three reasons to bring joy quickly back into your life….REASON #1: Joy is your nature.  Joy flows from the same source as love and peace; it flows from your heart. Would you want to deny your loved ones your love and your peace? Of course not. Then please, don’t deny yourself your joy either. Don’t push it either. When sadness comes, allow your tears to flow. When joy comes, allow your smile to shine. That’s how it is supposed to be. It’s your nature; it’s who you are. Reason #2: Joy is your light. Joy is the light within. Would you want to deny your loved ones that light? Of course not. Then please, accept it for yourself as well. When it shines, you can see the path in front of you, even if it’s just one step ahead. One step at a time, toward light—isn’t that a fine way to respond to tragedy? Reason #3: Joy is your power.  The deep joy flowing within you is a healing force. Its warmth has the power to melt the inner paralysis. Its energy has the power to fuel your journey toward a life in alignment with your heart’s desire.  Would you want to deny your loved ones that? Of course not. Then don’t deny yourself the power of your joy either. Because your heart’s true desire is to live, and to feel joy.



I think we can all agree this sounds like great advice doesn’t it? But how? After tragedy, how do you even open your heart and mind to joy?  Well as I always do, I checked with the experts, and one of them told us to try some of these… 1. Spend time with children (there are children everywhere).  2. Discover something refreshing (or surprising).  3. Feel your body (you are a miracle of life).  4. Read a novel (fiction, stories, not the usual self-improvement stuff).  5. Travel (any distance).  6. Look for smiles in people’s faces (on the street and on TV).  7. Write thank you notes (to yourself too).  8. Create a rhythm for your daily life (simple things will do).  9. Exercise (in a way that makes you smile).  10. Help someone (with something you enjoy doing).  11. Find a color that makes you feel good (and wear it).  12. Enjoy your spiritual practice. (Enjoy!)  13. Spend time with nature (plants and pets are nature, too).  14. Do something creative (just for yourself).  15. Accept help from people (strangers, too).  16. Learn something new. (What have you always wanted to learn?).  17. Listen to music (and let your body move along).  18. Walk barefoot (slowly).  19. Savor simple pleasures.  20. Give yourself a break (in every sense of the word).  21. When you have a choice, choose joy.

 

I am not sure what my take away is on all this…..but I do like all of the above suggestions and if you are focusing on them, well I would think your mind would let go and allow you to move on.  Joy and living are always more preferable to me than being sad or depressed.  I am an eternal optimist and I love what the Dalai Lama says: “Moving towards better rather than moving away from bad is an attitude of embracing life rather than rejecting it.”  And, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

 It is this bloggers opinion that moving on comes with time and everyone has their own pace. Rushing moving on isn’t healthy, it’s not fair and it’s not kind. As I’m writing this blog, and thinking about all of the people from the Pulse Night Club, I would like to say, “First and foremost to the families and friends of the Orlando victims and really to anyone getting over something tragic in their lives, take your time. Move on when you are ready and move on only when YOU want to. You will eventually move on.”

Each morning we are born again. What we do TODAY is what matters most (Gandhi)……  I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

 

 Ramblings of a Retired Hippie

How do you know when is it time to move on and let it go?

This month’s blog topic was difficult for me to come up with, what with Father’s Day approaching and all the news about upcoming candidacies for President. All my thoughts seemed to be overshadowed by the terrorist attack in Florida, making me feel helpless, sad and angry. As I seemed to be obsessing over it, my BFF hubby kept saying get over it, let it go, move on. So I decided that would be this month’s topic. I apologize for the lack of humor, but it was a topic I felt needed to be touched upon.

 As I read the many postings on FB, listened to the posturing of our politicians, including the upcoming candidates and our President, I was appalled and amazed that people did not want to refer to it as a Terror attack. As I watched the grieving parents and all the funerals, well I decided I needed to get something off my chest.

Those who really know me, know why I have very strong opinions on Gun Control, however I will not discuss that topic with people as it is another that people are very passionate about. I also devoted an entire blog as to why you should not discuss politics on FB.  However, I got so disgusted at the direction the postings were taking and I just could not leave it alone, I had to comment and this is what I said…

“Ok I said I wouldn’t comment but after reading all the posts....well here goes....what happened in Orlando is not about gun control! What happened at the Pulse Night Club was not only a mass shooting but a terrorist attack! We are dealing with terrorism...an evil individual that targeted Gay Americans because of a warped Islam championed vision that both American and Gay are labels that warrant a violent death! It was a MONSTER who pledged his allegiance to an Islamic terrorist organization.....the solution to terrorism is not to blame the gun lobby but to fight and destroy terrorism both at home and abroad....gun control is a whole separate conversation....”

Everything going on was obviously affecting and bothering me. I know that I was not alone in this, as I could see and hear how it was affecting others.  We were all being constantly barraged by the media - on smart phones, Twitter, Facebook, television and the Wall Street Journal, and they were keeping the topic alive and always in our face.  All this is what led me to today’s blog topic: When is it time to move on and let it go?

Everyone says let it go, which only makes me want to scream, “Hello, you telling me to do that doesn’t make it happen, don’t you think I would stop thinking about all this if I could?” My mom used to tell me to just move on and get over it, let it go.

Eckhart Tolle tells us whenever negative things happen to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it. But I keep wondering what it is that makes a human being choose love over hate, understanding over anger, and belief over fear? Especially those victims of violent crimes, the unthinkable things we hear about on the news. I feel that it is an outrage that something like this can happen.  These type of tragic events shake me to my very core.  But I have decided to tell myself maybe we are not always supposed to know and understand the why.  I do believe there is a reason behind everything, which I know sounds cliché but I truly feel in my heart that there is something that has to and must be gained from this horrific tragedy.

I believe there is beauty in the human spirit, that we all have it in us to be pillars of strength and compassion and are an experiment in spiritual evolution.  I suppose that is the hippie coming out in me, as I believe in Karma, and as Eckhart Tolle tells us, it is not all the things that happen to you that your pain arises from, but your reaction to it. The experts tell us that pain invites us to grow. The first instinct of most of us is to shut ourselves off from the rest of the world.

The experts tell us that life’s challenges, no matter how senseless they seem, are not supposed to paralyze us, they are supposed to help us to discover who we are.  Whenever we are faced with a personal tragedy, an act of terror, a natural disaster or genocide, joy and moving on just doesn’t seem like the correct response. It seems to me that expressing any joy after such an event mocks the tragedy.  The experts tell me this is not necessarily true. They say you experience not really joy, but a degree of openness and a sense of love. The experts tell us there are three reasons to bring joy quickly back into your life….REASON #1: Joy is your nature.  Joy flows from the same source as love and peace; it flows from your heart. Would you want to deny your loved ones your love and your peace? Of course not. Then please, don’t deny yourself your joy either. Don’t push it either. When sadness comes, allow your tears to flow. When joy comes, allow your smile to shine. That’s how it is supposed to be. It’s your nature; it’s who you are. Reason #2: Joy is your light. Joy is the light within. Would you want to deny your loved ones that light? Of course not. Then please, accept it for yourself as well. When it shines, you can see the path in front of you, even if it’s just one step ahead. One step at a time, toward light—isn’t that a fine way to respond to tragedy? Reason #3: Joy is your power.  The deep joy flowing within you is a healing force. Its warmth has the power to melt the inner paralysis. Its energy has the power to fuel your journey toward a life in alignment with your heart’s desire.  Would you want to deny your loved ones that? Of course not. Then don’t deny yourself the power of your joy either. Because your heart’s true desire is to live, and to feel joy.

 

I think we can all agree this sounds like great advice doesn’t it? But how? After tragedy, how do you even open your heart and mind to joy?  Well as I always do, I checked with the experts, and one of them told us to try some of these… 1. Spend time with children (there are children everywhere).  2. Discover something refreshing (or surprising).  3. Feel your body (you are a miracle of life).  4. Read a novel (fiction, stories, not the usual self-improvement stuff).  5. Travel (any distance).  6. Look for smiles in people’s faces (on the street and on TV).  7. Write thank you notes (to yourself too).  8. Create a rhythm for your daily life (simple things will do).  9. Exercise (in a way that makes you smile).  10. Help someone (with something you enjoy doing).  11. Find a color that makes you feel good (and wear it).  12. Enjoy your spiritual practice. (Enjoy!)  13. Spend time with nature (plants and pets are nature, too).  14. Do something creative (just for yourself).  15. Accept help from people (strangers, too).  16. Learn something new. (What have you always wanted to learn?).  17. Listen to music (and let your body move along).  18. Walk barefoot (slowly).  19. Savor simple pleasures.  20. Give yourself a break (in every sense of the word).  21. When you have a choice, choose joy.

 

I am not sure what my take away is on all this…..but I do like all of the above suggestions and if you are focusing on them, well I would think your mind would let go and allow you to move on.  Joy and living are always more preferable to me than being sad or depressed.  I am an eternal optimist and I love what the Dalai Lama says: “Moving towards better rather than moving away from bad is an attitude of embracing life rather than rejecting it.”  And, “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

 It is this bloggers opinion that moving on comes with time and everyone has their own pace. Rushing moving on isn’t healthy, it’s not fair and it’s not kind. As I’m writing this blog, and thinking about all of the people from the Pulse Night Club, I would like to say, “First and foremost to the families and friends of the Orlando victims and really to anyone getting over something tragic in their lives, take your time. Move on when you are ready and move on only when YOU want to. You will eventually move on.”

Each morning we are born again. What we do TODAY is what matters most (Gandhi)……  I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

 

 

Traditionalists VS Boomers in Retirement

I have been retired and living in my community for two years (I can’t believe it). As I was sitting back observing people, as those of you who routinely follow my blog know I do, I began to notice a very interesting thing skulking around the community, let’s call it chronic complaining and nastiness for want of a better explanation.  It seems to be festering just below the surface, barely noticeable unless one is really paying attention.

Let me start this blog out by prefacing that BFF hubby and I love living here.  We equate it to getting to live permanently in a vacation resort.  BFF hubby says I am the best marketing tool they could ever want as I espouse the virtues of living here to my family, friends and acquaintances. It has the most exquisite surroundings, with a myriad of clubs, activities far beyond golf, and a lovely restaurant providing the best dining experience and ambiance.  It’s simply an amazing place to live and we feel most fortunate to reside here.  This is exactly what we were looking for when we retired, something to retire to.  If you can’t find something you like to do and get involved in, then there is definitely something wrong with you. <Grin>

I can’t quite figure out what the issue/problem is here and why there is such apathy, anger and such general discordance among the residents. Where does it stem from?  I speculated that it might perhaps be attributed to a generation gap.  So off I went, as I am notorious for doing, to search for what the experts had to say on this subject. I was disappointed that there was little to no research on how to bridge the generational gap.  They did have many articles and research on how to bridge the gap as related to work environments, but very little as to how to live in a cohesive society. They tell us that today’s retirement communities are comprised of two generations.  They are the Silent Generation or Traditionalists, born between 1925-1945, who are 70 years and older; their behaviors are based upon experiences from the depression, they have a waste not want not attitude, they demand quality, simplicity, are extremely patriotic, and the men typically worked while the woman stayed in the home to raise the children.

We then have the other faction, the Post-World War II Baby Boomers between the years 1946-1964 (I fall into this category as I am after all an unashamed X-Hippie) <Grin> who are between 52 and 70 years of age. Baby boomers are associated with a rejection or redefinition of traditional values.  They grew up during the cold war and civil rights movement, created the term workaholic, are the single largest economic group, who believe rules should be obeyed unless they are contrary to what they want (of course), then they’re to be broken, social cause oriented, free spirited, women entered the work force working in traditional male held positions. Many of this generation are still in the work force while moving into retirement communities.

From what this blogger perceives, the Silent Generation are the original settlers (rule makers and club inventers) of the community. And then their idyllic community was turned upside down………enter the retiring Baby Boomers.  Those Boomers, not in the work force, are quick to fill their days by joining the various clubs and activities. It may appear to the established groups that their sole purpose is to bring about change to these clubs, transporting them into the modern era. If you ask a Traditionalist what the problem is, they will tell you that it’s the younger generation that is moving here that is causing the problems; ask a Boomer and they tell you the Traditionalists, ha ha, of course.  But alas, I have witnessed the Traditionalists, although they say they are tired of running things, in reality they don’t want to give up the position, but want the Boomers to take over the busy work with the stipulation they follow the existing rules and practices of the clubs. The Traditionalists have a tendency to take any suggestions or recommendations for change as criticism and become defensive. This all translates into divided factions and resistance, creating an overall unpleasant experience.  Are you with me so far, do you see the problem here? <Grin>

So on we proceed with this Blogger’s quest to find a solution from the experts, hoping they can tell us to how to achieve nirvana in such a diverse generational community.

The experts, as they are known to do when faced with any negativity, state their go to solution, “communication is key.”  They say no matter how difficult that may be, it is key as each generation’s habits, ideals, and beliefs were influenced by very different experiences, traditions, and societal norms.

The experts state the Traditionalists need to understand the ways of the Boomers and respect the new world they live in; the Boomers need to understand and respect the amount of experience the older generations bring to bear.  Both need to be flexible, and LEARN TO LISTEN, offer advice in helpful ways, refrain from judgement.  OK, OK, we know and have heard all this, so how pray tell do we bridge the divide?

They suggest the Boomers mentor the Traditionalist on using technology and keeping up with changes in social media. What I found interesting, as to what this blogger has experienced with the traditionalists on Facebook is that they have a tendency to take and make FB postings personal. Taking them too seriously and vehemently attacking the poster, feeling they must defend or argue with every post. This causes the post to take on a life of its own. The topic begins morphing into many different topics, losing the original intent of the post. (I confess this blogger finds it extremely entertaining) <Grin>

We all have to agree the Traditionalists have made this community what it is today, and that they value logic and discipline, and most unequivocally don’t like change, and want to build and leave a legacy.  The Baby Boom generation has agreeably transformed every stage of life they have passed through. Hence they are known as the “ME” generation, seeking money, title, recognition, higher education, and whose lives focused on building a stellar career. So doesn’t it seem logical they would want to redefine retirement?

Phew, it is a very complex topic as you can see!  Here is this blogger’s take away on this topic:

For the first time in our history there are four (4) generations, all with different values, experiences, styles and activities. We can all agree that there is unquestionably tension between all of the generations, which would create and lead to misunderstandings and frustrations.  The Traditionalists feel the need to guide and lead the “young pups,” but this is often not well received by the Boomers. The Traditionalists don’t like being shown up or having the way it has “always been done” challenged, while the Boomers embrace technology and new traditions, if it doesn’t work change it.   I think we must appreciate what each other brings and celebrate our differences. After all we don’t get harmony when everybody sings the same note, only notes that are different can harmonize. The same is true with people. Sometimes there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay the same as they were. Sometimes change is exactly what we need to help us evolve and progress.

I believe that a good similarity for living in this type of community is to liken it to a garden.  And so I leave you with this quote by Kemi Sogunle:  “Different plants thrive together in a well nurtured garden. Just as they thrive, they pass on a message to mankind - God created us all to thrive with one another and planted love in our hearts for this reason. Let's learn to embrace each other, knowing Love is all we have to keep us growing and going.”

May our hearts be filled with great love for one another and I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

Is Social Media the forum to discuss politics with Family & Friends?

I have been absent as a blogger for a few months because I made a commitment to a club. Wow, did it become like a job! Phew, it’s over. I did have some fun, but for the most part not so much. Will I do it again? Most emphatically not. It was this experience accompanied with this year’s political environment that helped me land on this month’s Blog topic. I was constantly asking myself when did people forget how to be nice to one another and respectful of differences of opinion?  It boggles my mind. I searched back in time and wondered when it became OK for people to engage in open confrontations and name calling with one another, regardless of where they are and what the topic may be?  After reading all the political rhetoric not just generated by the news media, but by my friends and associates on Facebook, I decided this was a very worthwhile topic.

It seems that how we treat one another today, is due to the changes in our culture, brought about by social media, the constant barrage of news with smart phones, news banners, and TV’s 24-hour news. It is this blogger’s humble opinion that people feel more anonymous, in particular with social media, so this makes them feel freer to attack another person. Sort of like rude drivers who do things in a car they would never do to you in person. It seems to be accepted and OK to be mean spirited to one another. I have observed people who are neighbors, friends, and family vehemently attacking each other over a difference of opinion of a political candidate, or anything for that matter that does not align with how they think. It feels wrong to me to do so with people we claim to really care about, or call a friend.  In discussing our differences, particularly our political opinions, well I must tell you it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, as if it is a threat to the relationship. This is the case if I am in the discussion or observing it.  So as usual for me, I went off in search of what the experts have to say about all of this.

It seems the experts tell us that Democrats and Republicans have become like a couple with marriage problems. They have become enemies, and the political speeches denigrate into an opportunity to malign and misinterpret the opponent. Ok, yeah we see that. <Grin> It certainly makes a whole lot of sense to me, particularly since we are a nation of TV viewers, that we would be influenced by this antagonism, as it is modeled by our leaders and rebounded by media commentators. And unfortunately, it seems to trickle down into our personal political discussions between our friends and family.  It seems we are influenced so much by this that the over-heated posturing with belittling of differing viewpoints has become a cultural norm when talking about politics or anything that is in opposition to our viewpoint.

I know many of us may enjoy watching a TV commentator on Fox, CNN, or the mainstream media, portraying a dismissive attitude towards a fellow commentator, or a candidate we don’t like.  However it is rarely appealing from a friend, coworker, or family member. A political sneer in real life, vis-a-vis your opposing political view, does not ever win the argument but may ultimately cost you a friend or loved one.

The psychology experts tell us that typically in healthy dialogue, the person listens to better understand the others perspective, normally resulting in gaining new information and hopefully a consensus ending with a creative solution. This causes both sides to develop negative feelings towards each other.  The word “but” erases what others say, and no one likes to feel erased.

So here is my take away on all of this: When people express opinions that reflect the views of different political parties, or any opposing view, our minds automatically and spontaneously assign them to rival alliances. As far as our brains are concerned, an opposing view is more like membership in a gang or clique, than viewed as a dispassionate philosophical stance.  Social media has made it too easy for people to hide behind their computers and post things they would never say face to face.  In this blogger’s opinion, it is a waste of time to discuss politics, as you’re not going to change someone’s political beliefs on Facebook. You can debate and debate, but you’re just wasting your time. People are different and believe different things. Accept it, agree to disagree and move on. Life’s too short. Let your vote be your voice. And remember the saying of our parents, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” 

And to quote Albert Einstein: “I believe that Gandhi’s views were the most enlightened of all the political men in our time. We should strive to do things in spirit: not to use violence in fighting for our cause, but in not participating in anything you believe is evil.”

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it,  “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

The Dreaded Christmas Letter

I have to confess as I begin this Blog, I am one of the lemmings that send out a Christmas letter almost every year. So as I sat down to write the obligatory (or at least it is in my mind) letter, I thought of how BFF Steve and I have such a laugh at the Christmas letters we receive. So I decided, since people who receive mine are most assuredly doing the same, this year I would write it with the intent of giving them Christmas Cheer!  Before I share our 2015 family Christmas letter with you, you guessed it, I wondered about the origin of the Christmas Letter, and so off I went to the internet and decided this was an amusing way to kick off the New Year.

If you are like my family, you look forward to getting Christmas letters. You know you can count on them being crammed with statements of the family’s successes for the past year, and from what I have been able to research they've been that way for generations. It seems that writing and mocking the “Christmas letter” has been an American tradition since the 1950’s, so much so that the Atlantic published a piece on them, “The Corny Appeal of the Christmas Letter from the 1950’s Through Today.” They share the following:  "Read another one, Dad!" says the title character in a 2001 episode of the show Everybody Loves Raymond. It’s Christmas morning, and the Barones are sitting on the sofa together, drinking coffee from snowman mugs and ridiculing their friends' holiday greetings. “‘Is it Christmas already?'" one letter begins. "'With our trip to colonial Williamsburg, remodeling the living room, and Denny's successful run for city council, the months have just flown by!"

 It seems from the research I did, that people decided the Christmas letter would be easier than sending out Christmas cards and so at Christmas we find them in the mail, either by themselves or enclosed with the Christmas card.  I admit that I find the pretense of them being a sincere Christmas greeting quite hilarious.  In my opinion they are actually an unabashed family fairy tale, or a means to regale us with how wonderful and perfect their family is.

So as we read them one thing stands out to me (and so the experts agree), they all seem to have a script. They begin the opening sentence with the word “Well” and then “here it is Christmas again!” (Note the exclamation point). Or another of my personal favorites, “Well, hard to realize, Christmas has rolled round once more!” Then there is the more expansive version of this, “Well, Christmas finds us all one year older, but young as ever in the spirit of the Season!” The experts tell us what is being said is unimportant, just as long as the sentence starts with “Well,” and ends, of course with an exclamation mark.

Following the script, the letters seem to delve ever so slightly on the families misfortunes they suffered during the year, and then on to amuse us with the happy events, and of course they miss no opportunity for self-congratulations.

All that said, I was sad to hear the experts state that Social Media has impacted our favorite Christmas pastime of reading these letters. It seems that due to Social Media the amount of cards and letters we receive is dwindling. Oh my!  I truly find this ominous, what will it mean to us if no one sends out cards and letters anymore? I love sending and opening these cards.  Why? It’s not the greeting inside the card, but the recognition that a distant friend or relative we hadn't heard from in a year was still thinking about us, and maybe sharing news about major events of the past 12 months that we wouldn’t have normally known about.

I confess I love hearing about what the people who lived by me 20 years ago, or those I worked with are up to.  Even though I sometimes have to jog my memory to figure out who they are and why they are sending me a card. <Grin>  But if it weren’t for this annual tradition, I think it would be easy to lose touch. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology and social media such as FB and Twitter. It is fun seeing the pictures of family and friends and the instant insight into what’s going on in their world.  But alas, it just doesn’t replace the fact that someone has our name and address in an old address book they pull out at Christmas. It tells me at the moment they wrote the card they were thinking of us and sending the card or letter reminds us of that and them.

It is my opinion we shouldn’t just write off the liking of the Christmas letter and cards to nostalgia, I think it’s weirder than nostalgia. It’s not just looking back on one happy era, but standing for actually putting pen to paper, and writing. I believe it’s still important,that we need a symbol of the past to compare with the symbols of the present.

So as for BFF hubby and I, we hope we’re not seeing the death of the Christmas card and letter because of social media, but are a part of its rebirth. 

When all is said and done, we love the corny confessional, self-promotional, hokey, charming, earnest, introspective missives we receive each year.  And on that that note I will sign off and share with you what came out of the minds of BFF hubby and me in our annual Christmas missive. We think we hit all the must haves in the letter, while still laughing at ourselves and the premise of the Christmas Letter.

The Dreaded Christmas Letter from the Kretchman’s.     

Dear friends and family,

This year Grumps, aka Steve or Dad, decided to get serious about golfing. He had an Ah Ha moment and decided golf is for everyone, not just the talented few. Yes he did it. He enrolled in golf lessons and we know it is working because he is hitting fewer bystanders/houses and is repairing fewer clubs. He now lectures other golfers at the Country Club on how to shave 5 points off their game, he calls it an eraser.  He plays rain or shine all the while telling me not to worry about lightening.  He just holds up a 1 iron, because after all, not even God can hit a 1 iron. He will be presented this year’s Gaming Award for the most hours logged.

Living our idyllic Sun Lakes life, we thought we had sealed ourselves into a crime free enclave.  Ah but not so!  The Crime Network will be featuring our Colombo type adventure soon, by sharing the story of our harrowing mishap of someone stealing our beloved golf cart. It truly happened right in front of the clubhouse while we were enjoying lunch.  Grumps was sure I was having a serious senior moment as he went into detective mode, only to find it wasn’t so. It had actually vanished. But do not despair, there is hope for humanity!  A Good Samaritan followed our golf cart through the gates and called the local police. All’s well that ends well as Grumps got his trusty stead back.  We also learned a valuable life lesson, which I shall graciously share with you regarding golf cart security; golf cart manufacturers key the golf carts with the same key for the whole model year. Brilliant!

I Gram, aka Raelene or Mom, am proud to announce I received national recognition for watching every season of the Gilmore Girls on Netflix in record time.  But Kudos must go to the Amazon Fire Stick for making all this possible. I have since decreed the Fire Stick as the best invention of the 21st century!  Another of my proud accomplishments; I single handedly saved Amazon with my online shopping and Kindle purchases. I am proud to announce my nomination for a “Best of the Net” award for my blog, (which by the way is the only way I have to explain my own life to myself).  I shall also be receiving the prestigious “Social Innovation Award” for having booked the most meetings and social engagements at one time on a single calendar.  On the medical front, the doctor discovered that I have a disease called “proquiltinating” for which there is apparently no cure. Steve, has to suffer along with me as it continues to take over my life. The medical definition for “proquiltinating” is: working on quilts when you should be doing laundry, cleaning house, cooking, eating or any other normal life tasks. I am getting through it with my version of the “Fight Song” titled “She Who Dies with the Most Fabric is not Quilting Fast Enough.”

As for Gimli, he is now in the Guinness book of records for being the first dog rejected by the Doggie K-9 Boot Camp. However, we are proud to announce he will be receiving this year’s fitness award from Michelle Obama as a result of his hard work in going to doggy marathons and diet innovations (no more doggie cookies). His efforts resulted in the shedding of 10 lbs., thus setting an example for dogs everywhere.  He was also very ambitious in finding a cure for his aggression.  He is currently in negotiations with Pfizer for doggy downers.

In closing we would just like to say, if anything in this letter strikes you as the least bit plausible, please go out and stock up on hay ‘cuz Santa’s bringing you a pony. *

Wishing you and yours a Very Merry Christmas, and a Joyous, Healthy & Prosperous New Year!

Steve, Raelene & Gimli

*Okay, maybe the part about Gimli is a little true

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

 

Do you like being old my granddaughter asked me.

 

I was asked innocently by my beautiful very young granddaughter, not maliciously but as an honest question, after I joked Gram is old, she said to me, Gram do you like being old? My immediate response was no, who would.  But then I thought hmm, now that is really an interesting question, and did I really answer her honestly? So I decided aha, what a sweet blog topic. I am sure there are many other grandmothers out there who feel the same as I do.

So as I pondered the question, I first went through a bit of depression, I am old, but in  my mind I am still that young girl surfing in the ocean, and playing with my friends on the beaches of Oceanside where I grew up. Then I get a look at myself in the mirror and I find myself saying, “Who is that person?”  That said, I sat down to the computer and decided to see if I could really answer her question honestly. So for my Princess here goes:

I think that I am now, for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh don’t get me wrong, I am most certainly not referring to my body! I sometimes anguish over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, the sagging butt, or lack thereof, and the not so good working knees.  I am always shocked and taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror!  Who is that person?  However if I am really honest here, I really don't agonize over those things for very long.

I would never trade my amazing, wonderful life that I have with my loving family for less gray hair or a skinny body, at least I don’t think I would. Just kidding.  As I've aged, I find I have become kinder to myself, and less critical. I have finally became my own friend. I don't reprimand myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, cleaning my house or doing laundry, or for buying that silly cement gnome that I didn't need, but looks so perfect on my patio. I decided that I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, diet or not diet, or to just be extravagant. I have seen too many friends and family leave this world too soon, before they were able to realize and experience the great freedom that comes with aging.

I decided whose business is it really if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 am, or watch marathon movies and sleep until noon?  I will dance and sing with myself to my favorite songs from the 60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a book I am reading... I will!  I will go to the pool in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the water with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old someday, it is the cycle of life after all!

I may be at times forgetful, but then again, some of the things that have happened in life are just as well forgotten, and I always remember the important things.

Yes, over the years my heart has been broken on many occasions. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child or grandchild suffers, or even when a beloved pet passes on?  I have found that broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.  I count my blessings every day that I have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn gray. I can say 'no,' and mean it. I can say 'yes,' and mean it, or do nothing at all!

I have found that as I grow older, it is easier for me to let things go, and to be more positive.  When I ask myself why that is, I think that it is because I care less about what other people think, and I find it’s just not that important to me any more in the grand scheme of my life. I don't question myself as much, and the best thing of all…. I have even earned the right to be wrong, and that’s OK.

So, to answer my granddaughter’s question, “Yes, I like being old, as I feel it has set me free. I finally like the person I have become. I know that I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time being nostalgic over what might or could have been, or worrying about what my future will be. I shall do what makes me happy every single day.  And for today and all your tomorrows…… I wish for you days of ordinary miracles. Gram.”

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

 

Are you a Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy?

 

My Daughter posted an article about the 6 most toxic behaviors and said most people won’t see themselves in it.  So I read them and I am starting with #1.  After reading it I said, maybe not me all the time but I know I am guilty of this one on occasion especially with my family. Here is the first one, and as I looked around I could see where this could cause a lot of unnecessary drama among the people I am currently associating with. Read it honestly and see if you can recognize yourself: “Taking everything personally-People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything that happens in life is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them. The reality is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their filters, and their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, it’s more about them. I’m not saying we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback. I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally when it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of others’ good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own heart, intuition and wisdom as your guide. So yes – don’t take anything personally.”

So after dealing with some very negative seniors where I live I thought, ok what about complaining?  This seems to be a key topic in a senior community. So I decided this was definitely toxic and deserved to be a blog topic (Grin) see if you agree.

com·plain  verb gerund or present participle: complaining

1.      Express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. “local authorities complained that they lacked sufficient resources" protest, grumble, whine, bleat, carp, grouse, make a fuss

Phew that about covers what I over hear all the time. Why do the elderly complain about everything?  The experts say much depends on their personality throughout their lives. If they were the type of people who were always bickering and negative, complaining may be the only way they know how to communicate, (now that is a scary thought).They may not even be aware how their attitude affects others. Ok Ok it makes some sense to me, I always contend that once a nasty person always a nasty person. And realistically, as they age they aren't likely to change their personalities, right. Add to that the physical and mental frustrations that go with aging, which more than likely help to intensify an already negative personality.

This makes perfect sense, but what about that sweet lady you know who suddenly becomes a complainer, how about that Mr. Expert?  Hmmm, the experts say medications can cause personality changes. Anti-seizure medications, blood pressure medications, even anti-inflammatories can cause personality changes in some people. Many an elder has been thought to have dementia, but once off all drugs, the dementia suddenly disappears. Drugs should always be suspect in sudden personality changes. An interesting take don’t you think?

I say that’s all well and good, but what I have observed and feel is; all of us have beliefs, many of them subconscious as they were more than likely engrained in us during our childhood years, about what it means to get older. Psychologists call these “age stereotypes.” And, it turns out, they can have an important effect on a seniors’ health. 

So it sounds to me as if the experts are saying older people become what they think?  Kind of like the old saying you are what you eat (Grin).  But when stereotypes are negative, like when seniors are convinced becoming old means becoming useless, helpless or devalued that plays head games with them and the experts tell us they would be less likely to seek preventive medical care and die earlier, and more likely to suffer memory loss and poor physical functioning.  These very same experts state that on the adverse side, when stereotypes are positive, when older adults view age as a time of wisdom, self-realization and satisfaction, results point in the other direction, toward a higher level of functioning. The latest report, in The Journal of the American Medical Association, suggests that seniors with this positive bias are 44 percent more likely to fully recover from a bout of disability.

Ok enough of what the experts think, I remember when I was growing up we called these complainers Negative Nancy’s or Debbie Downers. I know it is hard to be positive when we have such a negative society as a whole, but it is tiring to hear so much complaining, it’s too hot, then it’s too cold, then I can’t go out because it’s raining, why are they making us wait, why don’t the doors open earlier and on it goes.

 

 As you can see I have strong opinions on this, and one such opinion is that negative people tend to leave others around them drained and tired! Oh come on now you know that’s true!  No matter what you say, they always seem to find a way to counter with a negative opinion. When they face a problem, they immerse themselves in the issue rather than deal with it constructively.  See, now you understand why I think complaining belongs in the category of toxic behavior. (Grin)  Negative and complaining people make themselves a victim and they tend to adopt a self-victimizing mindset, complaining or being negative about whatever it is that is happening in that moment, real or imagined! Even if you provide them with a solution, they will quickly turn on you as the problem.

I can some what relate (as I am one of their kind), that the elderly often feel like their opinions and thoughts don’t matter.  I have found in my recent experiences, if you allow them to have their say without any retort, it more often than not softens them a bit, and magically they stop complaining. The old saying of “in one ear and out the other” really does apply. You may not agree with what they have to say, but realizing that it isn’t a personal attack against you can alleviate a load of stress. See how that fits into the opening toxic behavior statement I shared. (Grin)

My take away on this topic: I truly believe and I have found through personal experience, the best way to deal with these types of people, is to let or allow them to express their negativity. Really! Practice patience, smile often and get their mind off what they are complaining about by talking about something else.  How do I do that you say, this is easily done by asking them their opinion on something, or how are you feeling. (Grin)  I have decided to just laugh it off and realize that with some people it is a long time habit or learned behavior.  And in the end I refuse to give them that much power and will not give in to their negative pattern or allow it to divert my course, not even for a moment! I challenge you to do the same.  I saw this on the internet, so I have no idea who to give credit to as with most things on the internet, however I felt it was most appropriate to end with; as you breathe right now, another person takes their last. Stop complaining and learn to live life with what you have.

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…