The Power of Silence.

This political season’s debates were perhaps the vilest I have ever seen and as with most of you, have given me much to contemplate.  I have been extremely disheartened by the ill-mannered and contentious grandiloquence we are listening to from both of the candidates.

 As I mediated and tried to clear my mind of all I had heard over the past week, both politically and from the comments on my community’s FB page, the song Silence is Golden popped into my head. I then thought about how the spiritualists speak of a dimension that is wordless, and that we exist first in silence then in words.  With all that going around in my head I felt it was a worthy blog topic for my ramblings. (Grin)

My initial reaction after all of this was: I am not voting for either candidate, neither of them represents this country.  However, reality check, I knew that I could not in good conscience do this.  And so I tried to clear my mind of all distractions, words and thoughts, to rid myself of the back and forth nastiness of the debates, and most importantly to the panic I felt and heard in people’s voices about the decision we were all about to make for the future of our country.  I was also attempting to block out the barrage of negativity and nastiness from the news and social media.  I wanted to truly focus on what was the best thing to do with the election rapidly approaching.  I wanted and needed to understand what “I “really actually felt in my innermost place.

I would like to tell you that what I discovered was a feeling of hope, joy and peace and effortlessly came to a conclusion.  I am sad to say that was not the case. What I did find myself doing was focusing and feeling inspired by the positive things that I had heard people saying throughout the week. People were talking about gender equality, sexual harassment, bullying, about right and wrong. Such as a couple of comments Chelsea Clinton made while on the Talk.  She said she never thought she would see the normalization of hate speech.  That she intends to keep her friendship with Ivanka Trump, as their friendship began well before the election, and she hopes that it will continue well after. “It is very clear we have different views of what is best for our country. Friendship and friends are really important.” This was spot on, and a valid observation on this political climate whether or not you are a Clinton Fan or a Trump Fan.  

But I digress, (Grin) as most who follow me know I do at times. The experts tell us that silence is a rich and powerful tool of communication. “Whereof we cannot speak, thereof we must be silent,” wrote the young Ludwig Wittgenstein in his Tractatus (1921). It appears to me that sometimes not saying anything is the best answer. You see, silence can never be misquoted. (Grin). On the community FB page there is always a pessimistic person commenting, as is their right, however there is always that someone who feels the need to answer them, providing a continuous platform to spread their malcontent.  I truly feel that you should not waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.

I thought about this, and recalled while engaged in conversations with a group of people, they all suddenly fell silent after a remark I had made, how it made me feel censorship and the need to defend myself. And I recalled how it is with friendship, that there is a time for silence, to just listen, and sometimes a time to let go and let them hurl themselves into their own destiny. Some experts say that no answer causes us to make up what we think they meant, causing us more distress.

The experts also tell us that when one resorts to a personal attack in a debate, it most likely means you have nothing more to contribute. Margaret Thatcher said, “I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”  They tell us that in today’s journalism and politics, there is a collusion to oversimplify and personalize issues. They leave no room for contradiction, but plenty of room for the personal attack!  I think it says a lot about a person’s character and maturity, if they possess the ability to have a heated discussion without taking it personally or turning it into a personal attack. 

I particularly liked what the comedian Robin Williams said, “Politically I don’t care what party you’re from, offer a point of view, and let’s see what happens and really debate the issues rather than use personal attacks. Really talk about it, talk about immigration, education and pollution.”

This blogger’s take away on this: Charles Buxton’s comment sums it up for me, “Silence is sometimes the severest criticism.”

In the simplest of words, the quieter you become the more you can hear.  I believe the educated person’s response to nastiness is silence. Never lower yourself, whoever is trying to bring you down is already lower than you. Silence is not ignoring the problem, it merely allows you to mindfully choose to stay out of the negative space and not say hurtful words back. There will always be someone who is more impressive and/or inconsequential to us in terms of ability, character etc.

There will also be someone who is beyond our comprehension or shall I say, not within my wavelength. (Grin) There will always be those that sometimes appear to have very poor understanding and sensitivity, and therefore it will always be problematic to communicate with these kinds of people.

 That is why I feel it is sometimes best to keep things to ourselves, and not to react to people who don’t make sense at all, to keep quiet and not respond. And back in my day (Grin) my mother said if you don’t have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all!

And on a slightly more humorous note, just remember you can’t win an argument with a troll. (Grin) I don’t mean the fairy tale kind that sits under the bridges, I’m referring to those nasty individuals that love to spread lies, deceive and cause damage, enjoying every minute where they can make someone else miserable. All they need is a victim. And so  after much mediation and reflection,  I was finally able to make my decisions on voting, letting my vote be my voice. My hope for you is that you can also sit in the silence, and rediscover who you are and what it is that you truly believe, and as Gandhi says, “Speak only if it improves on the silence.”

 I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…