That
is a very deep and heavy word, which came to mind when corresponding with my
grandson in a letter, that’s right, old-fashioned snail mail. I have been reminded that writing letters
takes time and effort, you have to think and write your thoughts down in full
comprehensible sentences, which I fear is a rapidly declining art in the age of
texting and emails, which have their own language, i.e. (CUL8R- see you later),
not to mention emoticons used for letters.
Gandhi says it best; “The golden rule of conduct is mutual toleration, seeing that we will never all think alike and we shall always see Truth in fragment and from different points of vision.” My grandson and I have just recently begun communicating with one another, and in one of his letters, he said to me, with regards to my last month’s blog, “I am a firm believer in balance. I don’t believe that only one philosophy is necessarily the answer, moreover it may not work for everyone. What works for some, may not work for others.” I can’t tell you how proud that made me of this young man, he has a hard long journey ahead of him and this speaks of deep spiritual evaluation and mature thinking.
It also,
as is typical for me, got me to thinking about the intolerance of the retired/elderly,
and the subject in general of aging in America. Why is it that the US culture is so
disrespectful of the elderly, where even our President wants to sweep them
under the carpet and show they no longer have any value to society, and are a
drain on it, yada yada. Let’s ignore the
reality, the elderly were and had been
carrying the country financially pre-retirement and were major contributors to
the success of this country, up until the grand old age of (new retirement age)
66, 67, or 70 by paying huge amounts into social security, Federal, State and
local taxes etc…. just saying.
Back to
the topic at hand, I guess misconceptions about age are easy to come by in the
American culture. I can almost guarantee that any one of us can come up with a
person we have met who fits the common stereotype of that nasty grumpy old
person. But guess what I learned folks; age
does not define who a person is.
The intellectuals tell us that these myths are perpetrated by the media and our
own memory.
From
this definition I give you FOGO. What I
have observed, through TV shows, news, and just talking to people, is that
behind the intolerance of the elderly, is fear.
Fear of the unknown. What is
going to happen when we get old; loss of hair, hearing, illnesses, wrinkles? Yep, it could happen, but thanks to modern
technology, we have contacts, glasses, hearing aids, wigs and so on, to help us
overcome and manage these minor hurdles.
It is
unfortunate that we are deluged, and under constant attack by the media,
Hollywood, etc. where they seem to only revere the young, with the underlying
message, old is not good. I came from the hippie generation, the youth movement of the 60’s, known as the beautiful people. A youth based movement that was focused on sexual freedoms, health food, drugs, Middle
Eastern culture, music, antiwar (make love not war), and most importantly to question
authority - Right On! For the record
that phrase was created by the hippies, they created their own language, as there
was no precedence for what they were experiencing. The underlying mantra was “Don’t trust anyone
over the age of thirty.”
But as typical for me I digress, misconceptions are
easy to come by and the experts tell us these biases or myths are a result of
media and memory. I am sure everyone has
met that stereotypical grumpy old man or woman. And as humans we tend to remember first hand
experiences, which we tuck away in our memories. Why? Because it had an emotional impact on us, and
that encounter with an elderly person who was grumpy, mean, depressed,
irritable and angry, most likely made us react emotionally. Ahh, but
that funny, friendly outgoing elderly person that we ran into, well that just doesn't seem to stick in our memory, it's interesting
how that works. Then there is, of
course, the portrayal and comments made by the news media, as well as
Hollywood’s reinforcement in their movies with the negative elderly stereotype.
The other day, while I was at the SLCC /Sand Wedge
restaurant for lunch, I spoke with the youngsters who were working there. I asked them how they liked working in a
retirement community, to which the young man replied: (I’d guess him to be in his early 20’s) He said
he liked it, that he’d been here 7 years, so he guessed that should say how
much he liked it. I then proceeded to ask
him how he found the people, as in aren’t they grumpy and nasty? To which he responded, “People always ask me if
I had to take special courses to work with the elderly.” Seriously!!
Ha ha, like there is an old
people course, because after all we are all exactly the same after a certain
age. He then continued to regale me with
his understanding and wisdom of working with the elderly. He said he guessed that the grumpy ones were
probably in pain and not feeling well so he thinks that is why they are that
way. Hmm, so I said, “Customer service is customer service no matter the age,
believe me I have dealt with some pretty nasty 20-30 year-olds during my career.” I decided to further enlighten him on seeing
the person, not the age; I said, really, and I then used as an example, my
Mother-in-law, who is a happy, friendly, feisty 90 years young. They both responded
with yes, I know her and you are right; she is so nice and funny, always
smiling. To which I responded, “See you
looked past her age and looked at the individual and not a stereotype of an
elderly person. The same as you do with
sex, religion or race. Chances are if they were a nasty, unhappy grumpy
person when they were young, they most likely will be nasty and unkind when
they are old. I rest my case.”
Every year when we clink our glasses to a new year, we
realize oops, we are another year older, so with the bubble in our champagne
glasses there also comes bubbles of anxiety. We live in a world that is
obsessed with looking young and beautiful.
I am of the opinion that people fear losing their youth, as all they
will be left with is fear, loneliness and regret. I say stop already, focus on the feelings you
had when you were younger, return to what brought you joy in your youth, and
embrace the mystery that lies ahead.
As much as we
would like to think fear of aging is a recent phenomenon, it isn’t. We are just more aware due to the changes in
media; the ideas of finding a fountain of youth have been around since Plato’s
time. On a lighter note, I really got a
good chuckle out of listening to a 25 year old that is worried about wrinkles
and already getting injections of Botox. You see this stuff on Twitter, message
boards and Facebook, it is funny but at the same time very sad that they are so
obsessed and worried about getting older at such a younger and younger age. It is
such a strong cultural condition that I fear the new 40 is really 25! Is it any wonder they revile and fear the
elderly?
I think my generation; the hippie generation that is,
is contributing to perhaps reshaping this thinking! They seem to say; hey look at us and envy us,
growing older and aging gives you new freedoms!
I say age stereotype is being eradicated by Baby Boomers! <Grin> But
seriously, society must stop looking at aging as decline, and thinking that
the history/experiences of the elderly should be erased because of the new
technologies that make us outdated. It
irritates and saddens me that old age is so stigmatized in our culture making our
young people disidentify with the elderly, saying they may be old, but we won’t be. They truly believe the hype they can defy
genetics and the natural evolution of life, aging.
I have a confession, when I first came to Sun Lakes, and
entered the main clubhouse and all I saw around me where grey heads, I panicked and said they are all sooo
old, I will never fit in here. I am not that old! My BFF husband provided me with a reality
check and quickly reminded me that I dyed my hair and that I was among their
number. <Grin>
On that
note here are my final ramblings on this topic; we must remember to treat each
person as an individual, with respect and dignity, and remember like me, they
don’t feel old. That is not to say there
is some special feeling that age brings, but keeping in mind they are just
being themselves only older. And to the young I say, don’t fear aging, look
forward to it, it is not a disease to fear, but strength and survivor-ship,
triumph over all kinds of vicissitudes and disappointments you should be proud
of. The fountain of youth is inside each of us; it is your mind, your talents,
the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of your family and others
you love. When you tap into this then
you will have truly defeated age. Never forget, you‘re as young as your
self-confidence, as old as your fears, as young as your hope, as old as your
despair, and wrinkles only appear where smiles have been.
I hope I had you wondering while reading this blog what the heck FOGO is! Well I shall enlighten you my friends; it is my
new favorite acronym “Fear Of Getting Older.” I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me,
or as I refer to it, “my longest
coffee break." I'm just
sayin’…
