I have been retired and living in my community for two years
(I can’t believe it). As I was sitting back observing people, as those of you who
routinely follow my blog know I do, I began to notice a very interesting thing skulking
around the community, let’s call it chronic complaining and nastiness for want
of a better explanation. It seems to be festering
just below the surface, barely noticeable unless one is really paying
attention.
Let me start this blog out by prefacing that BFF hubby and I
love living here. We equate it to getting
to live permanently in a vacation resort. BFF hubby says I am the best marketing tool they
could ever want as I espouse the virtues of living here to my family, friends
and acquaintances. It has the most exquisite surroundings, with a myriad of
clubs, activities far beyond golf, and a lovely restaurant providing the best
dining experience and ambiance. It’s
simply an amazing place to live and we feel most fortunate to reside here. This is exactly what we were looking for when
we retired, something to retire to. If
you can’t find something you like to do and get involved in, then there is
definitely something wrong with you. <Grin>
I can’t quite figure out what the issue/problem is here and
why there is such apathy, anger and such general discordance among the
residents. Where does it stem from? I speculated
that it might perhaps be attributed to a generation gap. So off I went, as I am notorious for doing, to
search for what the experts had to say on this subject. I was disappointed that
there was little to no research on how to bridge the generational gap. They did have many articles and research on
how to bridge the gap as related to work environments, but very little as to
how to live in a cohesive society. They tell us that today’s retirement
communities are comprised of two generations.
They are the Silent Generation or Traditionalists, born between
1925-1945, who are 70 years and older; their behaviors are based upon experiences
from the depression, they have a waste not want not attitude, they demand
quality, simplicity, are extremely patriotic, and the men typically worked
while the woman stayed in the home to raise the children.
We then have the other faction, the Post-World War II Baby Boomers
between the years 1946-1964 (I fall into this category as I am after all an unashamed
X-Hippie) <Grin> who are between 52 and 70 years of age. Baby boomers are
associated with a rejection or redefinition of traditional values. They grew up during the cold war and civil
rights movement, created the term workaholic, are the single largest economic
group, who believe rules should be obeyed unless they are contrary to what they
want (of course), then they’re to be broken, social cause oriented, free
spirited, women entered the work force working in traditional male held
positions. Many of this generation are still in the work force while moving
into retirement communities.
From what this blogger perceives, the Silent Generation are the
original settlers (rule makers and club inventers) of the community. And then their
idyllic community was turned upside down………enter the retiring Baby Boomers. Those Boomers, not in the work force, are
quick to fill their days by joining the various clubs and activities. It may
appear to the established groups that their sole purpose is to bring about change
to these clubs, transporting them into the modern era. If you ask a
Traditionalist what the problem is, they will tell you that it’s the younger
generation that is moving here that is causing the problems; ask a Boomer and
they tell you the Traditionalists, ha ha, of course. But alas, I have witnessed the
Traditionalists, although they say they are tired of running things, in reality
they don’t want to give up the position, but want the Boomers to take over the
busy work with the stipulation they follow the existing rules and practices of
the clubs. The Traditionalists have a tendency to take any suggestions or
recommendations for change as criticism and become defensive. This all
translates into divided factions and resistance, creating an overall unpleasant
experience. Are you with me so far, do
you see the problem here? <Grin>
So on we proceed with this Blogger’s quest to find a solution
from the experts, hoping they can tell us to how to achieve nirvana in such a
diverse generational community.
The experts, as they are known to do when faced with any
negativity, state their go to solution, “communication is key.” They say no matter how difficult that may be,
it is key as each generation’s habits, ideals, and beliefs were influenced by
very different experiences, traditions, and societal norms.
The experts state the Traditionalists need to understand the
ways of the Boomers and respect the new world they live in; the Boomers need to
understand and respect the amount of experience the older generations bring to
bear. Both need to be flexible, and
LEARN TO LISTEN, offer advice in helpful ways, refrain from judgement. OK, OK, we know and have heard all this, so
how pray tell do we bridge the divide?
They suggest the Boomers mentor the Traditionalist on using
technology and keeping up with changes in social media. What I found
interesting, as to what this blogger has experienced with the traditionalists on
Facebook is that they have a tendency to take and make FB postings personal.
Taking them too seriously and vehemently attacking the poster, feeling they
must defend or argue with every post. This causes the post to take on a life of
its own. The topic begins morphing into many different topics, losing the
original intent of the post. (I confess this blogger finds it extremely
entertaining) <Grin>
We all have to agree the Traditionalists have made this
community what it is today, and that they value logic and discipline, and most
unequivocally don’t like change, and want to build and leave a legacy. The Baby Boom generation has agreeably transformed
every stage of life they have passed through. Hence they are known as the “ME”
generation, seeking money, title, recognition, higher education, and whose lives
focused on building a stellar career. So doesn’t it seem logical they would
want to redefine retirement?
Phew, it is a very complex topic as you can see! Here is this blogger’s take away on this topic:
For the first time in our history there are four (4)
generations, all with different values, experiences, styles and activities. We
can all agree that there is unquestionably tension between all of the
generations, which would create and lead to misunderstandings and frustrations. The Traditionalists feel the need to guide
and lead the “young pups,” but this is often not well received by the Boomers.
The Traditionalists don’t like being shown up or having the way it has “always
been done” challenged, while the Boomers embrace technology and new traditions,
if it doesn’t work change it. I think
we must appreciate what each other brings and celebrate our differences. After
all we don’t get harmony when everybody sings the same note, only notes that
are different can harmonize. The same is true with people. Sometimes there are
things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay the same as they were. Sometimes change
is exactly what we need to help us evolve and progress.
I believe that a good similarity for living in this type of community
is to liken it to a garden. And so I leave
you with this quote by Kemi Sogunle: “Different
plants thrive together in a well nurtured garden. Just as they thrive, they
pass on a message to mankind - God created us all to thrive with one another
and planted love in our hearts for this reason. Let's learn to embrace each
other, knowing Love is all we have to keep us growing and going.”
May our hearts be filled with great love for one another and I
thank you again for
taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break." I'm just sayin’…
