Do Overs….Ahh…Regrets-I have a few

I made a flippant remark the other day, after I was asked what I would change if I could have a do-over in my life.  So I immediately had an ah ha moment and thought yep, a good blog topic as I wondered what “do” older people regret when they look back on their lives?  So off I went on my latest quest for enlightenment.

A regret is defined as when we feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that we have done, or something we haven’t done or a loss or missed opportunity. We can feel remorseful and sorrowful over an event, behavior or decision.

It would seem the experts did research calling it the legacy project, where they interviewed many seniors who had answers such as: “I would have spent less time worrying” and “I regret that I worried so much about everything.” Indeed, from the vantage point of late life, many people felt that if given a single “do-over” in life, they would like to have all the time back they spent fretting anxiously about the future. It seems the general consensus was simple and direct.

I particularly liked this one: Turn yourself from frittering away the day worrying about what comes next and let everything else that you love and enjoy move in.

Well, I found as is typical for me, this was all much too serious for my taste, after all if I had a do-over I would make darn sure it was like Aladdin and the 3 wishes, it would count. I must admit that sometimes I do get serious, particularly as I leave a place and get that strange feeling like I’ll not only miss the people I love, but I’ll miss the person I am now at this very time and place because I’ll never be this way ever again (that’s deep isn’t it, Grin).

As I recall I’ve always been a disappointment to myself. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighed - when I was two this is not what I saw myself doing at five. (Grin)

When I asked one of my close friends what she wished for her birthday, she replied she wanted to be ten again. Hmm. so I thought I was being ever so clever as I envisioned how I could pull this off. Off I went buying donuts and the accoutrements to make her chocolate chip pancakes, a few of her favorite childhood breakfast foods. Then we hit the playground and the swings, and finished the day off with a Baskin Robbins ice cream.  As we were eating our ice cream I turned and asked, “Did you enjoy being a kid for a day again?” Guess what she said? “When I said I wanted to be ten again, I meant my dress size, this didn’t help that goal at all.” Well, a swing and a miss on my part. (Grin).

This may sound a little melodramatic, but then that is sometimes who I am and I find no matter how happy I am and no matter what age I am remembering, my regrets are countless (Sigh). I have made decades worth of little miscalculations which I find I can’t seem to completely erase from my memory, and let’s not forget the number of really big mistakes that made my life permanently harder. Well those wonderful experts tell me I need to divide my regrets into groups such as:

The things you did that you wish you hadn’t (well that could be a very big list, I was a hippie after all, Grin). When you're ancient like me, you torture yourself over the risks you didn't take, and the opportunities you missed by failing to act. There is always that poignant question of whether, even if I in actuality have made the best decision for me at that time and place, by not doing what I might have, those actions could, in retrospect, have been good mistakes to make at that point in my life. (Well that’s how my mind compartmentalizes things, Grin).  Perhaps it would have been a good time to learn a painful lesson. On the other hand, maybe I really did miss my main chance in life (Sigh).  After all there is that chance I could be living in a nicer house with a bigger car and more money, I could have written that novel, been a better daughter and sister, done things differently with my children, actually achieving whatever I thought I wanted. In my mind I understand that I can never know what would have really happened, good or bad, no matter how many times I relive it in my mind, trying to reconstruct the parallel universe where I made my move. So I give myself a mental shake and say let it go, just breathe and move on.

The heavy cost of the time I’ve wasted - by far, for me, the most significant regrets I have now are about lost time. I have the real sense that it is getting increasingly likely that I will die without ever having ever seen Ireland (which is now very important to me as I find that my ancestors hail from there), learning to speak Spanish fluently, making that prize-winning quilt, growing that perfect specimen in my garden, or having written that book.

From time to time I let this overwhelm and trouble me. I find that as I continue to grow older (funny how that happens, Grin), the cost of truly pointless hours piles up. What could I have accomplished instead of playing X-box video games for hours on end, reading book after book, or binge watching that TV series? Maybe there isn't time for me to become a billionaire (unless I win the lottery - hey it could happen) or traverse the world.

The fact is, I may never be a millionaire, or even travel.  But I do realize that even at my age I can still accomplish some partial subset of my original dreams that may be still within my grasp. Conceivably I need to make a bucket list (Grin) or start setting priorities.  Of course, regrettably, that assumes that I won’t take sanctuary in the perfectly rational, natural, and comforting desire to repeat the things I’ve done before and enjoyed, maybe just once, long ago. Or maybe one place becomes my regular hangout, you know….where everybody knows your name (Grin).  Hmm… I find this one very alluring as after all I do love the community where I live.

Then I give myself a symbolic clout and grab a glass of wine, as I look up the lyrics to Pink Floyd’s “Time” and reflect - and have another glass of wine (Grin). I think to myself isn’t it amazing  a twenty something Roger Waters could write something so perfectly attuned to a person my age…just sayin’:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way

The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away, across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spell

 

I must confirm, after my seemingly being so morose, I really am a very happy, optimistic person. And after all this soul searching I remind myself that I am more fortunate, blessed and have done far better than most people have in life. I admit I find it hard to take seriously those people who say they wouldn’t change anything, yeah right. (Grin) Maybe what they are really trying to say is they are quite content with how things are going in their lives, yeah, yeah.  Ok, so am I for that matter, but I still say I could have done things better. If others can’t think of something they would change, well… I think they must have a very limited imagination. (Grin) Don’t they wish they would have spent more time listening, and talking to their parents and grandparents? Perhaps have avoided alienating a good friend? Or possibly wished they hadn’t passed up that Microsoft or Apple stock? As I head into a significant milestone birthday next year (Ugh), I tell myself that I really wouldn’t mind being 18 again; to relive that defining moment which directed the course for the rest of my life… sigh….if only.

These are some of the regrets I have actually heard others say: “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.” “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”  This last one hits close to home with me, as I find that my life has a tendency to become a continuous focus on activities, goals, lifestyle and material possessions, and there are stretches when I don’t take the time to truly examine what actually contributes to my long-term happiness and meaning in life. We are all so busy that well, life happens. There always seems to be something to distract us from getting around to certain things we know we should or want to do. And with the explosion of always being on smartphones and tablets that continuously deliver a barrage of urgent emails and information, not to mention Twitter and Facebook, well, things have merely gotten busier.

Then, something happens.  A good friend or loved one, maybe close to us in age, drops dead unexpectedly (this was my trigger for delving into my regrets).  We begin to think about what our biggest regrets would be if we were suddenly sitting on our death bed.

My take away on this topic: I see it all as being quite simple; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that.  Isn’t that philosophical? (Grin) Seriously, my honest opinion and my free two-cent advice is this: do it or do not do it, you will regret both.  As for me, the biggest regret in my life is that I did not say I love you often enough.

And so I leave you with these words of wisdom:

 

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.

Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.

Henry David Thoreau

Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future. Swami Sivananda

 

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’….

OMG I’m surrounded by Intergalactic Aliens

I will let you in on a secret, humor is the weapon of the unarmed person!  I decided to share my odd sense of humor in my attempt to relay my utter surprise at how different I am from the people that surround me and why we are different, along with a few personal experiences that occurred just this month, really, even I can’t make this stuff up!

Here goes my ramblings: In my attempt to keep abreast of what is going on in the community, I attend the monthly board meeting. OMG - I am utterly dumfounded as to how their minds work, and what their lives must be like. Then I reasoned with myself, they are so different from me, why I wonder?  I deduced they really must be space aliens.  Phew, I barely escaped with my sanity intact, more convinced than ever their brains had been reprogrammed, which is why they make mountains out of noodles, (Grin) and you thought they were just for spaghetti. And playing balls with pickles seems to be a hot topic as well -see aliens who now have lost sight of what is truly important in life on earth, or perhaps weren’t programmed to know.  Space Aliens who are out of touch with reality.  I left the meeting with a new profound respect for the board members.   I have the perfect gift for them – Poo-Pourri, for all the $%@& they take from these space aliens. (Grin)

And well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, I find this appropriate.

As I was leaving the meeting I commented out loud, if I had known that I would be surrounded by a concentration of so many Space Aliens I might have thought twice about moving here. Little did I know that Retirement communities are really a government conspiracy to keep them all of them confined in one space.  It is certainly a well-kept secret, it seems only the local realtors know about it, but appear to be sworn to secrecy as they don’t share this knowledge.

I now firmly believe this is where the government has chosen to concentrate the Aliens, like in the movie Cocoon. I mean the dictionary actually defines Space Aliens as an extraterrestrial being, a visitor from outer space. Come on, you have to agree that is spot on and helps to explain so many things about them.

Here is a little ode about some of the males of the Alien species, who I shall refer to as Foxes. They gather at the local watering hole to solve the world’s problems, or at least I think that is what they are doing.  Anyhow, I digress, (what’s new).  I walked into the restaurant with my free-spirited, handsome teen grandson, (I’m sure he got this from my hippie DNA, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).  His style  is today’s style, torn jeans, or as my daughter refers to them - homeless clothes (Grin) and he loves pink, it’s his own personal insignia. Oh yea, the best part for me, at this time he had pink hair.  Breathe, we walked past the Alien Foxes in their natural habitat. So the Alien Foxes apparently decided to right the world’s wrongs and in unison, as if choreographed, all turned and glared at us while commenting inaudibly, under their breath. It was a thing of beauty.  It became perfectly clear to me that these foxes are really lions and so I wondered where the courage is kept in Alien Foxes. Or perhaps there was a glitch in their programming as this certainly fits the definition to me of a bully - a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Synonyms: persecutor, oppressor, tyrant, tormentor, intimidator. Being the humans, and knowing how to behave in public, we chose to ignore them and went about our business.

After this latest episode, I was struck with an-aha moment, and was determined that I would have my own fun, to express myself like the retired hippie I am.  So, I had my hairdresser, a young non-alien adult, highlight my hair with blue streaks, yep I did that.  Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of an earth woman in her exploration of the strange world of retirement, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no woman has gone before in the quest to understand Aliens.

First test, I went to a club meeting, one of my favorite groups of people. Some stared, and others ignored it, there was only one brave soul who ventured to comment.  She said, “I like your hair.”  “I said, “Well I am going out kicking, doing what makes me happy. “  She replied with perhaps my new favorite response, which I shall now plagiarize, with her infectious laugh, “Well you’ve  got to do what makes you happy, after all there is only one person in that box when they close the lid.”  Brilliant, she is definitely not an Alien.

I then went into the lounge, and to my sad dismay, the Alien Foxes of the species were not at the watering hole, so I was deprived of their reactions.  But not to worry, I wasn’t disappointed, I did get a stare down from a couple who made it a point to turn in their chairs and glare directly at me.  It looks as if this is an alien trait to do things in unison. I am certain this must be how aliens in pairs express their displeasure. Perhaps they have been programed to not speak, programmed to believe it’s better to let someone think you an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.  I think they call emoji’s “hieroglyphics.” (I have no idea where that came from.)  (Grin)

I decided to pursue this phenomenon, the loss of humor in Space Aliens, with the experts, who advise that if one were to ask the male Alien Foxes of the species why this is so, they would tell you that age is no laughing matter. I wholeheartedly disagree; age is really something that doesn’t matter, unless you are cheese.   The experts tell us this Alien species actually loses their sense of humor as they age. They say that perhaps as these Aliens age, they have a decline in short term memory, abstract reasoning and shifting between different trains of thought, which affects the ability to understand humor. That must be it, a glitch in the programming.

It would also seem that these aliens may or may not respond to a smile. It seems they have been programmed such that for them to interpret a smile, there must be an upturn of the corners of the lips plus a wrinkling of the crow’s feet at the corners of the eyes, or a pushing up of the cheeks. They will then respond in the like, if it was translated correctly.

Here is this blogger’s take away whilst living amongst extraterrestrials: Does our sense of humor really change as we get old? We all know crabby, humorless, old people ... (or as I refer to them Space Aliens) but my question remains - did they age into that (or were merely programmed that way) ... or were they once Debby Downers - crabby, humorless young people/Aliens.  I'm just not sure that sense of humor is a generational/alien thing. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that different Aliens simply laugh at different things. Or as the experts say, perhaps successful comprehension of humor only occurs when resolving something that is seemingly incongruous with a logical but less obvious explanation. Such as the joke - call me a doctor - ok you’re a doctor.  Let me tell you the Space Aliens in my community have made a believer out of me, yep they have convinced me, Aliens are most definitely living among us.

What did I learn….hmm perhaps there are many unhappy Aliens in my community, but I refuse to be abducted and brainwashed by them. Why not, you ask?  Because for me laughter is the best medicine for the mind and soul. Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. It also helps you to release anger and be more forgiving. Laughter may even make you live longer.  I, unlike the aliens, will laugh at myself and at life. Not in the spirit of disdain or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease pain, cure depression, and help me to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry, and meet it head on with laughter at life’s predicaments, and most importantly, I vow to never take myself too seriously!  I say we slip a good dose of humor into the drinking water, hey it can’t hurt.

And as Mark Twain so eloquently said, “Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.”

And lastly remember, don’t take life too seriously; no one ever gets out of it alive.  And on that note I leave you with my personal mantra. Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’….

 

 

What Would Your Obituary Say?

I recently watched a movie on pay per view, which I must confess I had never heard of, but as I was perusing what was on, I read the blurb on the movie “Last Word” starring Shirley McClain: Harriet is a retired businesswoman who tries to control everything around her. When she decides to write her own obituary, a young journalist takes up the task of finding out the truth resulting in a life-altering friendship.  I thought this sounds different.... so I decided why not.

As I watched the movie I found myself loving and admiring the successes of the crusty old woman-who was estranged for over 20 years from her daughter, and had split with her husband.  She was a woman way ahead of her time. Harriet not wanting to leave anything to chance, decided that she wanted her obituary to be under her control as well.  She hired an obituary writer from the local newspaper. She then gave the writer a list of 100 people, the restaurants they liked to eat at and where they should be interviewed. Needless to say not one of them had anything nice to say about her, and thus refused to say anything at all to the frustrated writer.

This of course makes Harriet angry, and after one night of pondering, she solves this problem as she did everything in her life, hitting it head on. She determined in a good obituary there were 4 key elements and therefore she resolved that she would change her life to include those 4 key elements. I found it delightful, I laughed and I cried, and yes you guessed it (Grin)…..I went there! As I thought to myself, hmmm good blog topic or not? I bet you’re saying Oh No, where are her irreverent ramblings headed with this one? (Me too Grin).

I questioned myself, should I dwell on the obituary part, or the fact that it is never too late to change our lives? And then AHA….a strange (well not so strange for me Grin) thought popped into my head and I wondered if I died tomorrow, perish the thought, what would my obituary say?  As Mark Twain said: We never become really and genuinely our entire and honest selves until we are dead — and not then until we have been dead years and years. People ought to start dead and then they would be honest so much earlier. (Wise man that Mark Twain-Grin)

As I thought about this (for a whole second), I contemplated whether or not this was a morbid topic?  I quickly concluded-nope not for me. As I age I find myself wondering about the oddest things, and this movie made me laugh and accept this as a reality of our life. And I pondered do people chose to ignore the obituaries, or read them, and do they look through the annual “Lives they lived” in the times magazine where I remembered reading once about a female spy in World War II (back when I could tolerate the Times Grin), and about the man whose name inspired the rock band Lynard Skynard.  I challenge you to imagine it for a while

And so I wondered if I died tomorrow—perish the thought it’s not happening anytime soon—what qualities and virtues would my eulogy or obituary mention? Would it say that I was a good parent, a good wife or daughter, a lively and loving person?

Hmm a strange thing to contemplate your saying and how morose, NOT…. I am quite sure it has crossed your mind at some point in your life, if not it will.   I wondered what my family and friends would say about me….would they say I was a Dreamer-might they say something like: An eternal dreamer passed away recently, no doubt in the midst of deep contemplation. In her final days, just like as in her life, she was surrounded with her thoughts and unlimited sense of curiosity. A lifelong dreamer, the world as is was never enough for her. She spent her entire time on this planet thinking of what could and what should be. If it was possible to dream it, she dreamt it. Her memory will live on in the thoughts and dreams she shared with all those lucky enough to be a part of her life." We flow, we descend, and we turn….and the eternal dreamer moves amongst us like light…..and nope…. that’s not it (Grin)

Perhaps they would say: She was an incredibly talented artist whose creations will far outlive her time alive, passed away recently. A life filled with achievement and controversy, she was never one to shy away from scandal or an unpopular opinion. She publicly shunned the spotlight yet secretly enjoyed the attention. Her art will live on and she will be dearly missed by all those lucky enough to be close to her."  (Yeah Yeah… that’s the one-NOT)

The reality I’m sure would read more like this: It pains me to admit it, but apparently, I have passed away. Everyone told me it would happen one day but that's simply not something I wanted to hear, much less experience. Once again I didn't get things my way! That's been the story of my life all my life. (Grin)

So as I searched for what the experts had to say I found it actually hysterical that there were quizzes online to help you answer this question, seriously they are really there. I found one that said “Wake up call: Write your own obituary.”  (Grin) that may be the safest way, which is what Harriet thought.

We all want to be remembered for something, to be known as more than merely ordinary, to be seen as someone who truly made a difference. We want to leave an imprint on this world and to leave behind something that can make the future a little brighter. From the time when we were kids, we were told that we were special and were destined for something wonderful, that we could take the world by the horns and that whatever we set our minds to we could accomplish, that it’s our world and what we choose to do with it was up to us.

I believe we all have roles we play in our lives, to be a good  mother, daughter, friend, cousin sister, niece, etc., but it’s how we project these roles that makes all the difference. If we really try and really want it, I believe we can actually change the world. I know that I have eluded to this before and maybe it’s the hippie gene in me, but I truly believe we can make or break our own story.

Here are a few thing you might want to ponder on this subject -if you dare (Grin):

·         What would you like your legacy to be?

·         What would you like to achieve during your lifetime?

·         What would you regret if you didn’t do it? Or try it?

·         What would you be proud you had done, attempted or achieved?

·         If you were thinking about yourself late in life, looking back on your life what are the   things that matter the most?

And is typical for me, here is this bloggers take away on this subject matter: Our time on earth is limited. We all know this, yet for some reason we generally push it to one side. We get caught in the trap of believing there are infinite tomorrows, when it simply isn’t the case. We are here for a short time, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t leave a big legacy. And by big, I don’t mean famous or visible, but a legacy that makes a difference to you or someone in your life in some way.

And as I get to the back half of my life, if I were to detect that I had played it safe because I was too afraid to fail, I would be extremely disappointed and angry with myself. The only way we know if life has a chance of moving in a certain direction is if we are daring enough to take the risk. I know for sure I won’t ever regret taking risks.

I would hope that my children and grandchildren felt that they were loved unconditionally, and that I did the very best I could to support them and make them feel they could do and be whatever they wanted and comforted them when it all felt a little too hard. My hope is that when I look back, well… my husband will feel I did a damn good job at being a wife.(Grin)  It is my humble opinion that it’s the relationships that matter the most in our lives. They are the things that breathe life into our world.  As I look back I hope that I had strong work ethics and I was a dedicated business woman, and my children and grandchildren saw that and I set a good example for them, and I was always a true and loyal friend. (A girl can dream can’t she?)

As each day passes I am more aware that each action and conscious decision I make in my life brings me one step closer to a future that I can look back on and be proud of. So I believe, as Harriet did in the’ Last Word’, that you can rewrite who and what you are. So I encourage myself and you to please use your strengths well, they are the keys to your purpose and your successes in life. Once you begin to really know yourself you are able to take action to realize your dreams, you perhaps (it could happen) will be able to unlock the doors to your own potential. Our lot changes with our thoughts; we will become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, all when our routine beliefs correspond with our deepest desires.

And hey-this hippie really thinks that destiny is for losers, it’s just an excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen. (Grin) Life is a game, play it; Life is a challenge, Meet it; Life is an opportunity, Capture it.

And as Mark Twain said: Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. (That's my wish).

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’……

Birthdays are good for your health...Studies show that if you have them you live longer!

This is both BFF hubbies and my birthday month. I have decided I no longer have birthdays, I level up. (Grin) That’s a gaming term used for those of you who are also nerds. And I stand by the saying - I am not getting older I am getting better!

So there I went, and I wondered where all this birthday hoopla started? Don’t you wonder why we even bother to celebrate birthdays? When you think about it, they’re really just an opportunity for your friends and family to come together and congratulate you for surviving another year, which as we age is a good thing I suppose. (Grin)  But for some reason I think it’s become far more than just that. Yep, you guessed it, as always things like this ramble around in my brain and as you know, end up by becoming a Blog topic. So off I went on my research journey to see what I could discover on the topic of birthdays.  

I found it surprising to learn that the idea of celebrating the date of your birth is actually a pagan tradition. In fact, many Christians didn't celebrate birthdays historically, because of that link to paganism. Pagans thought that evil spirits lurked on days of major changes, like the day you turn a year older. Isn’t that an interesting note?

The experts tell us that research on the exact origin of birthdays and birthday cakes remains inconclusive, however there is enough of a consensus to piece together an approximate history. Perhaps someday a Birthdayologist (Is there such a word?) (Grin) will come along to set the record completely straight, hey it could happen.

The experts say there are seven major developments throughout history that have contributed to our tradition of doing this once a year.

1.    Egyptians started the party - When pharaohs were crowned in ancient Egypt they were considered to have transformed into gods. This divine promotion made their coronation date much more important than their birth into the world. Scholars have pointed to the Bible’s reference of a Pharaoh’s birthday as the earliest known mention of a birthday celebration (around 3,000 B.C.E.), but Egyptologist Dr. James Hoffmeier believes this is referencing the subject’s coronation date, since that would have been the Pharaoh’s “birth” as a god.

2.    The Greeks added candles to the cake - The Greeks offered moon-shaped cakes to Artemis as a form of tribute to the lunar goddess. To recreate the radiance of the moon and her perceived beauty, Greeks lit candles and put them on cakes for a glowing effect.

3.     The Ancient Romans were the first to celebrate birthdays for the common man (but just the men) - The prevailing opinion seems to be that the Romans were the first civilization to celebrate birthdays for non-religious figures. Romans would celebrate birthdays for friends and families, while the government created public holidays to observe the birthdays of more famous citizens. However female birthdays still weren’t celebrated until around the 12th century.

4.    Christians initially considered birthdays to be a pagan ritual - Due to its belief that humans are born with “original sin” and the fact that early birthdays were tied to “pagan” gods, the Christian Church considered birthday celebrations evil for the first few hundred years of its existence. Around the 4th century, Christians changed their minds and began to celebrate the birthday of Jesus as the holiday of Christmas. This new celebration was accepted into the church partly in hopes of recruiting those already celebrating the Roman holiday of Saturnalia.

5.    Contemporary birthday cakes were invented by German bakers - Although the general idea of celebrating birthdays had already started taking off around the world — like in China, where a child’s first birthday was specifically honored — Kinderfeste, which came out of late 18th century Germany, is the closest prerequisite to the contemporary birthday party. This celebration was held for German children, or “kinder,” and involved both birthday cake and candles. Kids got one candle for each year they’d been alive, plus another to symbolize the hope of living for at least one more year. Blowing out the candles and making a wish was also a part of these celebrations.

6.    The Industrial Revolution brought delicious cakes to the masses - For quite some time, birthday celebrations involving sugary cakes were only available to the very wealthy, as the necessary ingredients were considered a luxury. But the industrial revolution allowed celebrations like kinderfest and the subsequent equivalents in other cultures to proliferate. Not only did the required ingredients become more abundant, but bakeries also started offering pre-made cakes at lower prices due to advances in mass production by bakeries of the late 19th century.

7.    The Birthday Song” was a remix, kind of - In 1893, Patty Hill and Mildred J. Hill wrote a song they called “Good Morning to All,” which was intended to be sung by students before classes began. The song eventually caught on across America, giving rise to a number of variations. Robert Coleman eventually published a songbook in 1924, adding a few extra lyrics that would quickly come to overshadow the original lines. The new rendition became the version we now all know, “Happy Birthday to You.”

Well I am relieved to have this all explained to me by the experts, don’t you feel more enlightened? (Grin)

I think we can all agree that Birthdays seem to be the one day a year that every little kid looks forward to (besides Christmas of course), when family and friends come together to celebrate who they are and the accomplishments they’ve made over the year. Yay!  You get presents, cake, a party, and plenty of time with loved ones. Whatever it is that they enjoy most on their special day, birthdays are a staple of our society and it is always an enjoyable time for any kid. I have so many memories of fun birthdays as a child, but as a child I didn’t realize I was actually making memories, I just knew I was having fun on a day that was all about me. (Grin)

As an adult, and as I grow older, I find myself more and more reluctant to celebrate my birthday, I find myself wishing everyone would ignore them. (Grin)  I mean after all, who wants a yearly reminder, marked with a lavish and expensive celebration, of how old they are getting? (Ok, maybe some people still do.)

Nonetheless, this made me wonder why it is that birthdays feel less and less important to me as I get older. It seems as if my attitude towards birthdays tends to shift in the wrong direction as the date of my birth looms nearer. I find this is especially true this year as, I am not found of the number I will be turning.  Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful every day I wake up and find that I’m still here. (Grin)

So after all this obsessing on having a birthday this month and getting another year older, here is this Bloggers take away on the subject: I tend to feel that as I get older, the idea of death becomes more imminent – it is something that I think most people tend to think about once they get into their late sixties, at least for me. (Grin) Now, I know anything can happen in life and there are no guarantees, however the older I get, the more I tend to think about all this. As my age gets BIGGER, the number of years I have left gets smaller.

I find that I am very appreciative of the importance of people over presents.  It seems as though the value of presents declines and the joy I get out of them isn’t the same as when I was younger. One thing I can say for sure is the older I get, the less I care about presents. In my case, the fact that I can have friends and family around for my birthday means much, much more than material things and in my opinion is the best gift I could ever receive.  When it comes right down to it - it is this blogger’s opinion that no matter how old you are, birthdays should always be about fun.  It’s just the value of birthdays which tends to change for me the older I get. So no matter how you choose to celebrate your day - just make it a great day!  Kick off your shoes and enjoy my friends, I know I will! And happy birthday to you!

One final reminder from me to you is the more you praise and celebrate your life, the more in life there is to celebrate.  After all age is just a state of mind, and you are only as old as you think you are. So just count your blessings and be happy. And as Abraham Lincoln said, “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’….