OMG I’m surrounded by Intergalactic Aliens

I will let you in on a secret, humor is the weapon of the unarmed person!  I decided to share my odd sense of humor in my attempt to relay my utter surprise at how different I am from the people that surround me and why we are different, along with a few personal experiences that occurred just this month, really, even I can’t make this stuff up!

Here goes my ramblings: In my attempt to keep abreast of what is going on in the community, I attend the monthly board meeting. OMG - I am utterly dumfounded as to how their minds work, and what their lives must be like. Then I reasoned with myself, they are so different from me, why I wonder?  I deduced they really must be space aliens.  Phew, I barely escaped with my sanity intact, more convinced than ever their brains had been reprogrammed, which is why they make mountains out of noodles, (Grin) and you thought they were just for spaghetti. And playing balls with pickles seems to be a hot topic as well -see aliens who now have lost sight of what is truly important in life on earth, or perhaps weren’t programmed to know.  Space Aliens who are out of touch with reality.  I left the meeting with a new profound respect for the board members.   I have the perfect gift for them – Poo-Pourri, for all the $%@& they take from these space aliens. (Grin)

And well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, I find this appropriate.

As I was leaving the meeting I commented out loud, if I had known that I would be surrounded by a concentration of so many Space Aliens I might have thought twice about moving here. Little did I know that Retirement communities are really a government conspiracy to keep them all of them confined in one space.  It is certainly a well-kept secret, it seems only the local realtors know about it, but appear to be sworn to secrecy as they don’t share this knowledge.

I now firmly believe this is where the government has chosen to concentrate the Aliens, like in the movie Cocoon. I mean the dictionary actually defines Space Aliens as an extraterrestrial being, a visitor from outer space. Come on, you have to agree that is spot on and helps to explain so many things about them.

Here is a little ode about some of the males of the Alien species, who I shall refer to as Foxes. They gather at the local watering hole to solve the world’s problems, or at least I think that is what they are doing.  Anyhow, I digress, (what’s new).  I walked into the restaurant with my free-spirited, handsome teen grandson, (I’m sure he got this from my hippie DNA, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).  His style  is today’s style, torn jeans, or as my daughter refers to them - homeless clothes (Grin) and he loves pink, it’s his own personal insignia. Oh yea, the best part for me, at this time he had pink hair.  Breathe, we walked past the Alien Foxes in their natural habitat. So the Alien Foxes apparently decided to right the world’s wrongs and in unison, as if choreographed, all turned and glared at us while commenting inaudibly, under their breath. It was a thing of beauty.  It became perfectly clear to me that these foxes are really lions and so I wondered where the courage is kept in Alien Foxes. Or perhaps there was a glitch in their programming as this certainly fits the definition to me of a bully - a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. Synonyms: persecutor, oppressor, tyrant, tormentor, intimidator. Being the humans, and knowing how to behave in public, we chose to ignore them and went about our business.

After this latest episode, I was struck with an-aha moment, and was determined that I would have my own fun, to express myself like the retired hippie I am.  So, I had my hairdresser, a young non-alien adult, highlight my hair with blue streaks, yep I did that.  Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of an earth woman in her exploration of the strange world of retirement, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no woman has gone before in the quest to understand Aliens.

First test, I went to a club meeting, one of my favorite groups of people. Some stared, and others ignored it, there was only one brave soul who ventured to comment.  She said, “I like your hair.”  “I said, “Well I am going out kicking, doing what makes me happy. “  She replied with perhaps my new favorite response, which I shall now plagiarize, with her infectious laugh, “Well you’ve  got to do what makes you happy, after all there is only one person in that box when they close the lid.”  Brilliant, she is definitely not an Alien.

I then went into the lounge, and to my sad dismay, the Alien Foxes of the species were not at the watering hole, so I was deprived of their reactions.  But not to worry, I wasn’t disappointed, I did get a stare down from a couple who made it a point to turn in their chairs and glare directly at me.  It looks as if this is an alien trait to do things in unison. I am certain this must be how aliens in pairs express their displeasure. Perhaps they have been programed to not speak, programmed to believe it’s better to let someone think you an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.  I think they call emoji’s “hieroglyphics.” (I have no idea where that came from.)  (Grin)

I decided to pursue this phenomenon, the loss of humor in Space Aliens, with the experts, who advise that if one were to ask the male Alien Foxes of the species why this is so, they would tell you that age is no laughing matter. I wholeheartedly disagree; age is really something that doesn’t matter, unless you are cheese.   The experts tell us this Alien species actually loses their sense of humor as they age. They say that perhaps as these Aliens age, they have a decline in short term memory, abstract reasoning and shifting between different trains of thought, which affects the ability to understand humor. That must be it, a glitch in the programming.

It would also seem that these aliens may or may not respond to a smile. It seems they have been programmed such that for them to interpret a smile, there must be an upturn of the corners of the lips plus a wrinkling of the crow’s feet at the corners of the eyes, or a pushing up of the cheeks. They will then respond in the like, if it was translated correctly.

Here is this blogger’s take away whilst living amongst extraterrestrials: Does our sense of humor really change as we get old? We all know crabby, humorless, old people ... (or as I refer to them Space Aliens) but my question remains - did they age into that (or were merely programmed that way) ... or were they once Debby Downers - crabby, humorless young people/Aliens.  I'm just not sure that sense of humor is a generational/alien thing. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that different Aliens simply laugh at different things. Or as the experts say, perhaps successful comprehension of humor only occurs when resolving something that is seemingly incongruous with a logical but less obvious explanation. Such as the joke - call me a doctor - ok you’re a doctor.  Let me tell you the Space Aliens in my community have made a believer out of me, yep they have convinced me, Aliens are most definitely living among us.

What did I learn….hmm perhaps there are many unhappy Aliens in my community, but I refuse to be abducted and brainwashed by them. Why not, you ask?  Because for me laughter is the best medicine for the mind and soul. Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. It also helps you to release anger and be more forgiving. Laughter may even make you live longer.  I, unlike the aliens, will laugh at myself and at life. Not in the spirit of disdain or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease pain, cure depression, and help me to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry, and meet it head on with laughter at life’s predicaments, and most importantly, I vow to never take myself too seriously!  I say we slip a good dose of humor into the drinking water, hey it can’t hurt.

And as Mark Twain so eloquently said, “Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.”

And lastly remember, don’t take life too seriously; no one ever gets out of it alive.  And on that note I leave you with my personal mantra. Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’….