Mary Mary Quite Contrary How Does Your Garden Grow?

 

 

 

I was sharing my garden with a fellow Gardner, who just happens to also be a retired hippie and it got me to thinking, I wonder what makes some people so obsessed with gardening and others could care less.  Right after that someone asked me why I love gardening so much. That made me really have to stop and think about the answer.  And so after some musings (Grin), I felt a little nudge in my brain and voila a blog topic was born.  

The answer to why I like gardening so much is really very complex. When I was a youngster I hated gardening, as my Mother of course made pulling weeds out of her garden one of our chores. My Mother always had a beautiful flower garden, as well as a vegetable garden with fruit trees. So since my Mother was an avid gardener I suspicion it is in my blood.

I am really reaching here, but I think gardening helps with your hand and eye coordination, I mean this definitely needs to be in sync when gardening so those important messages can be sent to the brain. Ok, maybe this one is a bit farfetched (Grin).  You have to admit I do get exercise, the up and down, walking around, even my Fitbit counts it as aerobic exercise.  I told you I really have to dig deep,  (pun intended) how about I just enjoy being outside, who can argue with that one. After all it is a way to commune with nature, and that is for sure the hippie in me.

It’s an escape, if something or someone (I mention no names here) is bugging me I go out and grab the pruners. Gardening calls to me as an artsy person, allowing me to be creative as to the flowers I plant and the way I arrange my garden for the best visual effect.  I created a sanctuary for the hummingbirds, butterflies, and bees. Gardening is meditative, food for the soul. It’s very satisfying to see something thrive and grow which you have nurtured.  But most importantly I love to sit and look at the beauty, so my final answer is ‘I LOVE IT.’

One of the things I found myself taking note of while riding around the community in my golf cart was the fact that every yard I saw, even those around the most modest homes, reflected some kind of gardening.  I realized something I suppose I really already knew, people love to garden. They love plants. They love flowers and vegetables and outdoor spaces and they often work hard to fashion them in designs and plantings of their own choosing. They wind walkways through their gardens that may travel only a few yards but offer something unique at every turn. Some yards were dominated by trees that dictated what could be grown beneath them, but many were open and layered, mimicking the layers of the forests that were once here - trees, understory and ground covers.

I believe a garden is an imposing teacher, above all it teaches patience and trust. After all it taught me to consider every plant hardy until I kill it myself, and the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it, if it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant (Grin).

There is no other occupation like gardening in which, if you were to creep up behind someone while they were working, you would find them smiling. I am so excited about my garden that I wet my plants (Ta Dum Dum) and new gardeners learn by trowel and error. (Hardy har har)

Here are some of my favorite quotes on gardening:

The love of gardening is a seed once sown that never dies. Gertrude Jekyll

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” Abraham Lincoln

“If you have a garden and a library you have everything you need.” Roman philosopher Cicero

“Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor conflicts.” Sigmund Freud

“A garden requires patient labor and attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them.”

 Liberty Hyde Bailey

In conclusion, and in this bloggers humble opinion: With all gardens the beauty is subjective. “A garden should make you feel you’ve entered privileged space-a place not just set apart but reverberant-and it seems to me that, to achieve this, the gardener must put some kind of twist on the existing landscape, turn its prose into nearer poetry.”

My garden, as with most gardens, is a constant work in progress. I grow plants for many reasons: to please my soul, to challenge the elements or my patience, for novelty and beauty, for nostalgia, but primarily for the joy of seeing them grow. The easiest way to improve your mood - and your life - is to take time each day to focus on the simple things that bring you joy, and gardening brings me much joy. And lastly after all gardening is cheaper than therapy (Grin).

”God made a beauteous garden
with lovely flowers strown
but one straight, narrow pathway
that was not overgrown.
And to this beauteous garden
he brought mankind to live
and said, to you, my children
these lovely flowers I give.
Prune ye my vines and fig trees,
with care my flowers tend
but keep the pathway open;
your home is at the end.”   Robert Frost

 

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

The Good Old Days - It was the best of times and the worst of times, or was it?

 

I had the pleasure of attending and recently joining the genealogy club.  It was the most uplifting group of people, very knowledgeable, positive and fun.  Having this experience seems to have made me even more interested in hearing the stories of other’s Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, and yep, even the stories which start out “back in the day.” I find that I really enjoy discussions about the good old days.  And of course into my brain popped, why this would be a great blog topic for my ramblings. (Grin)

Here’s a memory we can all relate to from the good old days….I remember when snap, crackle and pop were noises I heard from my cereal and not from my body! (Da Dum Dum)

On a more serious note, as those of you who follow me already know, I go on a hunt for what the “experts” have to say on the topic. One expert said nostalgia is good for you, when we reminisce, life feels more meaningful and death less frightening. Well all righty then…I’m not sure I quite agree with that comment. Another said that when there’s so much left to do, why spend your time focusing on things you’ve already done, counting your trophies or telling stories about the good old days?  Hmm, another interesting take but both are too cynical for me.

So I asked myself, as we age do we really obsess too much on the good old days? I don’t think so! I for one don’t think there is anything wrong with nostalgia.  But those all-knowing experts state the opposite side of this nostalgia is that you’re eager or anxious about the future. Humph, stuff and nonsense as my Grandma used to say. (Grin)  I say who doesn’t wish they could live in the past? All curled up in it like a warm blanket, covering all the cold unknowns and unexposed realities of tomorrow.  I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to bury yourself into the glowing warmth of childhood with days of pure joy and limited worries. I remember the comfort of childhood with zero responsibility, so who wouldn’t want to snuggle down in the void of better days and easy living.

Remember those moments of childhood at the park, those days with worries only of ice cream, snack time and after-school playing with friends and television? Those perfect moments of carnival rides, the beach, and Disney movies, absorbing only the purest and most joyous moments of life. Those perfect days followed by perfect nights when nothing went wrong and we were always happy.  Well maybe not always so carefree. I also remember the punishments when you were bad were so much different than today.  I remember the switch, belt or Mom’s hair brush on occasion. To quote Niche: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” (Grin)

However, like the unforeseeable future, the past itself is a flawless version of something we want it to be, not what we know as reality. The way we remember memories is constantly distorted. By recalling a memory of the past, you are remembering it as your brain has chosen to distort it, not by the actuality of its events, so say the experts. (Don’t they just suck the life out fun?) (Grin)

Well all that’s fine and good but I must confess, I’m a romantic at heart, which means I love to hear stories of how people met and fell in love. Tales of how they lived and the experiences they had in the roaring 20’s, 30’s and glamorous 40’s.  My Mom told me about rationing during the war, one of her key things being a fashionista, was that stockings were not plentiful. She told me they put make up on their legs and drew a line up the back with an eyebrow pencil to resemble the seam for nylons, pretty inventive. I ruminate there is a distinct difference in listening to stories and using them to put down the present. I think it’s a good thing to write these stories down, to leave something of your experiences and who you were for your future generations.

 Sort of like the Grandfather who’s talking to his grandson, “You know in the good old days, you could go to a store with a quarter, and get a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, a watermelon, and a brand new bike.  But today, you can’t do that, nope…there’s just way to many surveillance cameras.” (Da Dum Dum)

In conclusion it is this bloggers opinion, the past is as elusive a dream as the future. It is always distorted, always yearned for, and always seen as better days. I lean toward it having a tendency to keep some of us from the truth of the present and the pain of reality.  The good old days are seen as something beautiful, something irrevocable and somewhere that will always be better than where we are now.  But the best thing about the good old days for me is, I wasn’t good and I wasn’t old.  (Grin)

Now don’t start getting annoyed with me, I believe there's nothing wrong with nostalgia, even if the experts say it isn’t really about recalling memories, but is about feelings, about an emotional state. That we actually put an emotional state within an era, or a specific frame, and choose to idealize that specific time. It is safe to say that we all wish we could go back to the past. Nostalgia, like sorrow and happiness, is a universal feeling. It's one that all races, cultures and ages share. We all grow nostalgic for the past.  Nostalgia serves as a somber means for us, as it brings to mind cherished experiences that assure us we are valued people who have meaningful lives. So don't beat yourself up overly much because you sometimes think about good times or even bad times.  The important thing is to not forget that life is still going on around you and you have more experiences ahead and new memories to make.  

And as Buddha said, “The secret of health for both mind and body is to not mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment, wisely and earnestly.” And my personal favorite saying, “Yesterday is a cancelled check, forget it. Tomorrow is a promissory note, don’t count on it. Today is ready cash, USE IT!!”

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

Does summer make you feel happier?

I am on year three of this retirement journey, finding out what I do and don’t like to do. Then along came a real WINTER in year three.  I know it can’t be just me thinking that this winter was a long hard one! Well maybe I am a bit of a light weight because I’m a native Californian who has no idea what a really bad winter feels like. (Grin) But I’ve been told by long term residents that I hadn’t before experienced a real winter here in retirement land.  I just know that we were indoors a lot, and so grumpier and moodier…. and as I felt the biting cold while listening to the howling winds blow across the empty fields behind me, I was sedated into a form of winter hibernation.  Well that’s how it felt to me (Grin).  I know in the depths of winter (Ok, Ok maybe a little dramatic),  I found myself wanting to sleep more, eat more and curl up by the fire. And for the first time I had many days where I felt slightly depressed.  I found that it was hard to get out of bed (which wasn’t a bad thing really after so many years of hopping out of bed at 4:30 am). I thought hmm, good blog topic, taking a look at how the sun and winter really impact us, so off to the experts I went.

The experts had a lot of detailed information, very clinical and sterile explanations, such as telling us our bodies are evolutionarily old, and our bodies remember how weather dictated our behavior. People hunkered around the fire, repairing tools, telling stories, packing our bodies close and sleeping long.  In today’s society we act as if it is always summer, demanding high productivity at work and home. The experts tell us that our bodies require cycles of activity and rest—daily, annually. When days are long, our metabolisms and energy levels amp up.  In winter, we produce hormones that make us sleepy, giving us time to restore body, mind and soul. And there’s nothing wrong with that cycle—except that we work against it, forcing ourselves to operate at summer levels even in winter. No wonder so many people feel depressed at this time of year! Hmm, interesting and probably true, but yawn, it is sort of boring stuff wouldn’t you say?

They talked about SAD, which they say many people actually suffer from. It’s seasonal affective disorder.  I know that seems hard to believe if you live in California, unlike others who go for months on end dealing with blizzards, snow and seriously cold weather. I am a native Californian, I was born and raised in Oceanside, the coldest we got during the day was maybe 67 and it would drop at night to about 53. That’s pretty cold to me. But let me tell you folks, I found that it was seriously cold here in the low desert, the constant biting winds go right through you.

Needless to say I was very excited to see the sun and warmer higher temperature weather. I woke up earlier, hopped out of bed quicker and worked on cleaning up the patio so I could sit outside and absorb the sun. I felt happier. The experts tell us that sunlight increases serotonin levels which in turn may make you happier.

What I noticed immediately was a much needed difference in the people of the community. (Oh come on, you know everyone has been testy, and I use that term loosely, since the elections and some are still not talking to each other).   The first thing you will notice is they seem to be smiling more. I am convinced it’s the longer days allowing us to soak up more sunshine, making us float through the day more energized and optimistic. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it).  And don’t you think the social interactions are easier when the weather is warmer?  I mean things like backyard barbecues, pool parties, picnics, al fresco dinner parties, etc.  Summer offers plenty of opportunities for socializing and after all we humans are social creatures and mixing with friends, family and even strangers makes us feel part of something larger than ourselves, which is fulfilling, or so the experts say.  The pleasant weather and relaxed vibe help bring people out of isolation and gives us the chance to interact and connect. Like our Music Under the stars and Friday night wine and cheese gatherings on the Veranda, Charity week, and just wanting to interact with each other.

Ok, Ok I know I seemed to have just skipped over spring and moved right into summer. I am taking the lead from my garden, it too is confused as all the plants that normally don’t come back until summer are sprouting leaves and some are even blooming, so it’s not my fault, and the experts say spring is going by in a flash this year so who am I to argue with the experts.

So since I am in summer mode, here are some funny things that popped into my head that I would love to do for my summer bucket list.  I have one sister who would be game, where the other would say you’re weird. #1 - Buy bird seed and ask the clerk how long will it take for the birds to grow. #2-Throw a small ball into a group and yell get your own ball Pokémon. #3 - When the money comes out of the ATM scream I won! I won! I won! #4 - Text I hid the body to a random number. #5 - Finish all my sentences with “in accordance to prophecy.”  Why?  I have no idea, but it sounds like fun! Hey, I was normal once, it was the worst two minutes of my life. (Grin) You will notice I used the # sign as meaning a number even though it has now been hijacked as Hash Tag blah blah.

So in conclusion, it is this blogger’s opinion that summertime is about taking time to smell the roses, and giving yourself license to indulge a little without guilt. It’s a smile, it’s a kiss, it’s a glass of wine….hair gets lighter, skin gets darker, water gets warmer, drinks get colder, music gets warmer, nights get longer, it just gets better because it’s summertime. I think the feeling may be a leftover from childhood, you know like the school’s out syndrome, where we think of summer as a break from routine and responsibilities, and we are outdoors more. To me there is nothing more memorable than a summer smell. A scent will come along unexpectedly, momentary and fleeting, and yet it will conjure up a childhood memory of a long-ago summer at the beach.

Its my belief we just feel calmer and more relaxed being in nature, for me strolling along the beach or just inhaling the aroma of flowers in bloom makes me feel less stressed and more serene (I’m sure that’s also the hippie in me). And remember the secret to having a beach body: #1 - Have a body. #2 - Go to the beach. Da Dum Dum!  And I say the first person that complains this summer that it’s too hot…….well should have some punishment that’s painful….and on that note, “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” Buddha.

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

 

 

 

 

Can one person really make a difference?

Ok, Ok, yes I have been avoiding blogging.  Why? Good question, I think it is because I have been so stressed out and letting myself worry overmuch about things going on politically in the US. I find myself depressed and discouraged over all the hate and vehemence I see in people towards their fellow man. Sadly it is not just politicians, it is family, friends, and neighbors. I am a very optimistic person, and I pride myself on typically looking for the silver lining in every cloud.  After all that is what you would expect from a hippie right. (Grin)  However I was finding it very difficult to locate that silver lining.

I then reminded myself, and it is my wish for others also to remember - the sooner we develop compassion on this journey called life, the better. Compassion lets us appreciate that each individual is doing what he or she must do, and that there is no reason to judge another person or oneself. You simply muddle through life doing what you can to further your own awakening. I have decided all this anger must stem from the feeling that we have no control over things and fear.  Fear of the unknown and others who are and think differently than us. Fear is the glue that keeps us stuck. I then had an ah ha moment and remembered that Faith is the solvent that sets you free (hippie moment again).

I received some news recently that put everything into perspective. As I sat silently crying, I reminded myself that the course we are on is not guided by us, we are merely along for the ride. And then the voices in my head started nudging me (What, you don’t have voices in your head?) with my favorite quote from Gandhi, “Be the CHANGE you want to see in the world. “

How can I, one mere person, affect change when the hate and vitriol being spewed out is so strong? I bet the first thing that popped into your head was NO, there is nothing you can do. Well I think you’re probably wrong!  Not only can I (and you) make a difference, I believe I have (and you) most likely had a greater impact on more people than even I (we) realize. That’s not my ego talking, (well maybe a tad, Grin) but its what the experts tell us. They say that when just one person influences a few others, there are two major effects:

1.       A ripple effect that, over time, can actually impact thousands over generations.

2.       A broadening effect since one person influences many, like multiplying tree branches

 

So I decided they must be right as after all they are the infamous “THEY,” and so I thought about all the people we could have had an impact on in our lives. Employees, coworkers, bosses, suppliers, customers, family, friends, kids and most importantly grandchildren. Geez, that could really be lots and lots of people. Wow and they are really a small part of the equation….Shazamm, we could have influenced dozens of others without even realizing it. Scary and amazing? I guess we really have no idea how many people we can influence and help just by sharing our experiences and insights. And I realized that it's a far more generous thing than any material gift we could ever give

The experts (they) tell us that we all really live to serve. I am not so sure about that (I can name a few people this might not apply to, Grin), but I do know that feeling I get when I help others, and to whom I may have made a small difference. I acquire a calm sense of fulfillment, and a sense of purpose with a renewed surge of energy.  I reason that we are all gifted with a unique set of skills and abilities and with these abilities we can make extraordinary things happen in the world around us, or not.  The or not  (reality check) is because it is completely up to the individual person whether they want their life to make a difference and what difference they want their life to make. I know, I know, you are thinking like I did what can I possibly do? I have found that listening to other people’s problems, (and here is the key I discovered the hard way) without passing judgement is one of the kindest things you can do. Most of us already know the answers to the problems we are facing, we just haven’t realized it yet. By allowing them to vent, we allow the person to find their own path and acknowledge and recognize what they must do. Sometimes all that they need is a little encouragement to start on this new path, which is something you and I, believe it or not, usually always give.

I guess what I am trying to say, perhaps not all that well, (Grin) is that it is better to focus on the things we can control in our world, like perhaps, changing the life of another person no matter how small the act. I think you will find that it gives you an incredible feeling and it is completely within your grasp.  In truth, I believe we might all be here to help each other, we could all just be a part of a machine that fosters cooperation, or we’re not (again the hippie in me).  Or (cynicism) we might just be here to make the best of the situation for ourselves. I truly believe that helping others, with thoughts and deeds, brings happiness and prosperity into our own lives, so for whatever reason you chose to help others, it will always help you in return.

Will this really make a difference in the world?  I have no crystal ball, but my bet is it will help you find a little internal peace during these very stressful times. The law of karma says that whatever you do you will get back three fold, helping others is therefore a selfish act, but still a good act, one that you should do without fear, with love and with the knowledge that you will one day be rewarded. “We all want to change the world.” The Beatles (Revolution)

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

Here is one of my favorite songs by Peter Paul and Mary, I think it is still profoundly accurate today.

 

Day Is Done

Tell me why you're crying, my son
I know you're frightened, like everyone
Is it the thunder in the distance you fear?
Will it help if I stay very near?
I am here.

And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
Day is done, Day is done
Day is done, Day is done

Do you ask why I'm sighing, my son?
You shall inherit what mankind has done.
In a world filled with sorrow and woe
If you ask me why this is so, I really don't know.

And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.

Day is done, Day is done
Day is done, Day is done

Tell me why you're smiling my son
Is there a secret you can tell everyone?
Do you know more than men that are wise?
Can you see what we all must disguise
through your loving eyes?

And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
Day is done, Day is done
Day is done, Day is done

 

The Power of Silence.

This political season’s debates were perhaps the vilest I have ever seen and as with most of you, have given me much to contemplate.  I have been extremely disheartened by the ill-mannered and contentious grandiloquence we are listening to from both of the candidates.

 As I mediated and tried to clear my mind of all I had heard over the past week, both politically and from the comments on my community’s FB page, the song Silence is Golden popped into my head. I then thought about how the spiritualists speak of a dimension that is wordless, and that we exist first in silence then in words.  With all that going around in my head I felt it was a worthy blog topic for my ramblings. (Grin)

My initial reaction after all of this was: I am not voting for either candidate, neither of them represents this country.  However, reality check, I knew that I could not in good conscience do this.  And so I tried to clear my mind of all distractions, words and thoughts, to rid myself of the back and forth nastiness of the debates, and most importantly to the panic I felt and heard in people’s voices about the decision we were all about to make for the future of our country.  I was also attempting to block out the barrage of negativity and nastiness from the news and social media.  I wanted to truly focus on what was the best thing to do with the election rapidly approaching.  I wanted and needed to understand what “I “really actually felt in my innermost place.

I would like to tell you that what I discovered was a feeling of hope, joy and peace and effortlessly came to a conclusion.  I am sad to say that was not the case. What I did find myself doing was focusing and feeling inspired by the positive things that I had heard people saying throughout the week. People were talking about gender equality, sexual harassment, bullying, about right and wrong. Such as a couple of comments Chelsea Clinton made while on the Talk.  She said she never thought she would see the normalization of hate speech.  That she intends to keep her friendship with Ivanka Trump, as their friendship began well before the election, and she hopes that it will continue well after. “It is very clear we have different views of what is best for our country. Friendship and friends are really important.” This was spot on, and a valid observation on this political climate whether or not you are a Clinton Fan or a Trump Fan.  

But I digress, (Grin) as most who follow me know I do at times. The experts tell us that silence is a rich and powerful tool of communication. “Whereof we cannot speak, thereof we must be silent,” wrote the young Ludwig Wittgenstein in his Tractatus (1921). It appears to me that sometimes not saying anything is the best answer. You see, silence can never be misquoted. (Grin). On the community FB page there is always a pessimistic person commenting, as is their right, however there is always that someone who feels the need to answer them, providing a continuous platform to spread their malcontent.  I truly feel that you should not waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.

I thought about this, and recalled while engaged in conversations with a group of people, they all suddenly fell silent after a remark I had made, how it made me feel censorship and the need to defend myself. And I recalled how it is with friendship, that there is a time for silence, to just listen, and sometimes a time to let go and let them hurl themselves into their own destiny. Some experts say that no answer causes us to make up what we think they meant, causing us more distress.

The experts also tell us that when one resorts to a personal attack in a debate, it most likely means you have nothing more to contribute. Margaret Thatcher said, “I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”  They tell us that in today’s journalism and politics, there is a collusion to oversimplify and personalize issues. They leave no room for contradiction, but plenty of room for the personal attack!  I think it says a lot about a person’s character and maturity, if they possess the ability to have a heated discussion without taking it personally or turning it into a personal attack. 

I particularly liked what the comedian Robin Williams said, “Politically I don’t care what party you’re from, offer a point of view, and let’s see what happens and really debate the issues rather than use personal attacks. Really talk about it, talk about immigration, education and pollution.”

This blogger’s take away on this: Charles Buxton’s comment sums it up for me, “Silence is sometimes the severest criticism.”

In the simplest of words, the quieter you become the more you can hear.  I believe the educated person’s response to nastiness is silence. Never lower yourself, whoever is trying to bring you down is already lower than you. Silence is not ignoring the problem, it merely allows you to mindfully choose to stay out of the negative space and not say hurtful words back. There will always be someone who is more impressive and/or inconsequential to us in terms of ability, character etc.

There will also be someone who is beyond our comprehension or shall I say, not within my wavelength. (Grin) There will always be those that sometimes appear to have very poor understanding and sensitivity, and therefore it will always be problematic to communicate with these kinds of people.

 That is why I feel it is sometimes best to keep things to ourselves, and not to react to people who don’t make sense at all, to keep quiet and not respond. And back in my day (Grin) my mother said if you don’t have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all!

And on a slightly more humorous note, just remember you can’t win an argument with a troll. (Grin) I don’t mean the fairy tale kind that sits under the bridges, I’m referring to those nasty individuals that love to spread lies, deceive and cause damage, enjoying every minute where they can make someone else miserable. All they need is a victim. And so  after much mediation and reflection,  I was finally able to make my decisions on voting, letting my vote be my voice. My hope for you is that you can also sit in the silence, and rediscover who you are and what it is that you truly believe, and as Gandhi says, “Speak only if it improves on the silence.”

 I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

I'm bored with your illness!

I admit it: as baby boomers, our age group is beginning to have aches and pains today that hadn’t taken over our lives ten, twenty, thirty years ago. However what is making me crazy is that they must talk about it all the time!  I confess that BFF hubby and I might have as many ailments as anybody has…...but here it is…. I’m sorry to say I’m bored with your illness! (Grin)

Sure we all go to the doctors, and probably most of us take some medications, more than likely to control our cholesterol and high blood pressure. Unfortunately as we age so do our friends. And I am aware that with aging come health problems more often than not serious.

But I ask you, why must we talk about it endlessly? Why do people feel that this is appropriate dinner conversation?  Do you think we are just waiting with baited breathe to hear about your latest probe or MRI? I recently listened to this person’s entire medical history while waiting in line at the grocery store. Granted I am aware that not only do I live in a senior community and I am surrounded by two (2) others, but to be held hostage in the checkout line listening to a colonoscopy story is too much for even me.  This woman went on to share her advice as to the best doctors for all sorts of various ailments.  To which I politely said, I really don’t like discussing my ailments, I am just thrilled when they are behind me and I can get on with my life.  Dead silence, she then said with a huff, well you youngsters are a different breed and stuck her nose in the air as if there was something wrong with me.  I am sure there is, but I refrained from telling her all about it. (Grin) Please don’t get me wrong this is not an aversion to someone’s kindness in asking you about a recent surgery or illness, and as to how you are recovering, or you doing the same.

Maybe you don’t agree, but I’m an optimistic person and I prefer to laugh and discuss fun relevant topics, taking my mind off of my problems. Particularly at a dinner or when I am out at social events. Ok maybe I live in my own world, but that’s Ok they know me there and understand the rules. (Grin)

Oh come on now, you know it’s the elephant in the room, and unless you are the one doing the talking you too would like to tell them, stop I don’t want to hear this anymore. I frankly find it depressing. Yes I am aware that we are all getting older, believe me I feel it.  I heard the best response the other day from a good friend, it made me smile and laugh, she said that aging isn’t for sissies? 

I am not sure if all this doom and gloom illness talk springs from our society, where we perhaps are taught to equate happiness with youth, and assume that sorrow, illness and desperation goes with aging.  It however makes me wonder if some people just enjoy being miserable, or at least make far more out of life’s discomforts than of its pleasant things. 

I have to say it has gotten so bad that I cringe and hold my breath when I run into someone and utter the simple greeting; how are you today.  I am fearful those words will elicit a long recital of their personal ills; and I know I won’t escape from the conversation until they fill me in with a dismal catalogue of the distresses and sufferings of their friends’ and family!   

Is it just me, or do most people in a retirement community really feel there is some sort of merit in having ailments or afflictions to speak of to others? As if it makes them part of the group.   It appears to me that they think it an altogether undesirable and unworthy state to be well, with nothing to complain of.  They appear to me to be the happiest—only when something is wrong with them.  I, as were most boomers, was raised to tough it out; when you are ill you did not whine, you just put on your brave face and kept going. I was raised with a stoical, carry on approach to illness, you’re not bleeding, so get up and go to school, or work.Some of the experts say this is a way for people to be the center of attention.  You would get my attention faster by telling me a humorous antidote or a funny story.

So after all of this rambling on, I am sure I have begun to sound like a curmudgeon, with not a sympathetic bone in my body. But honestly that is the furthest thing from the truth, I very much care about people, and am extremely empathetic, wishing them good health. But here is where I have to say that I believe that laughter is really the best medicine, and good for what ails you.  I don’t mind a story of illness when a person makes it humorous and shows that it isn’t defining who they are.  I find that it is important to try and laugh every single day in order to gain the most physical and mental health benefits in that day.  

The experts say that people tend to laugh more when in groups, so I say surround yourself with others who laugh because laughter is after all contagious.  We watched the old Lucy routine where she is working on the candy line in a club presentation, everyone in the room was laughing. I noted that people left smiling and seemed more upbeat after that.

I think with laugher you find yourself so happy you forget to talk about what ails you. The best reason I heard the experts say  for laughing  was; laughing for 10 minutes each day can burn the same number of calories as a half hour workout. How cool is that? The experts also say that laughter is a benefit in Pain Reduction – Laughter allows a person to “forget” about pains such as those associated with aches, arthritis, etc. In 1987 Texas Tech psychologist Rosemary Cogan used the discomfort of a pressure cuff to test the medical benefits of laughter on pain management subjects who watched a 20 minute Lily Tomlin routine, and found the could tolerate a tighter cuff than those who had watched no tape at all.

My take away: and here is a clue to my fellow Boomers, perhaps you should consider that to others talking about your aches and pains is, frankly, a pain in the butt.(Grin) Your seasonal allergies and kidney stones are not really interesting, and to quote my grandkids “No Body Cares.”   And it is this bloggers opinion that you may feel a whole lot better if you kept your illness to yourself, and instead regaled us with stories of your grandkids, movie or latest book you are reading,
a TV program, or something you found humorous. No fair trying to slip in a latest surgery story in the guise of a debate on rising health care costs! (Grin) 

Emerson says on this same subject: "If you have not slept well, or if you have a headache, or sciatica, or leprosy, or any other ailment—I beseech you to hold your peace!"  In reality isn’t the most important thing to enjoy life, to be happy, it seems to me that matters more than regaling you with my latest illness.  So perhaps when someone begins to drone on and on about their latest illness, maybe we should help take their mind off of it by throwing in something humorous such as my friends husband did; my friend has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. Through it all, she and her husband, have kept their sense of humor. One day she said, you know what kills me? Smiling, her husband teased, apparently nothing. I love and admire them so much and try to be more like them in how they choose to live life. Every time you find laughter in a difficult situation, you win.

Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century, but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. — (Mark Twain) and as Abraham Lincoln said: with the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I would die.

And so I strive to incorporate laughter into my daily life; and I am a person who gets better with practice. I think getting older is awesome-because well I get more practice. (Grin)  And as my 92 years young- mother in-law says; in the end it’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years. (By the way she never complains about her heath she is grateful for each day and says that pain reminds her she is alive)….. And so I leave you with this, I wish you a long and successful life. I wish you excellent health. Most importantly, I wish you happiness – without measure – every day and beseech you to remember, laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects, so please take it regularly!

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

Why are we so obsessed with our pets?

Let me start this blog off by stating it is of course from the perspective of a dog owner. And to those of you who are (sigh) not animal lovers, well I am sure it seems from your perspective that people with animal attachments think they rule the world.  And this is where I have observed, at least in the world where I live, that social tensions come into play.  The assertion of pet rights seems to bump up against people who feel that our animals should know their place. This awkward co-existence between pet owners and the rest of the world is more of a struggle today than it has ever been. I don’t know if it will ever sort itself out. So for those who aren’t animal lovers, thanks for your patience with those of us who are….and now on with the Blog.

OMG what have we done? This blog will be going south for a moment, as I regale you with our latest adventure.  We got a puppy!  What was I thinking? As many of you know, we lost our beloved Gimli to cancer earlier this year, very unexpectedly at the age of 10. It hit us really horribly. Those of you who are not animal people may not relate.  I know, I know, it is like someone with a new baby, that’s all they talk about.

But in reality having a puppy is much the same as having a new baby, including sleep deprivation if your puppy doesn’t sleep through the night, luckily ours does.  They have to be on a strict schedule, for potty breaks, eating, sleeping and they don’t know the house rules;  like it’s not ok to chew on my shoes, or the furniture, and it’s time to go to bed not play. I am exhausted as is BFF hubby, they demand a lot of time and attention when they are little. BFF has christened her the money pit. Now granted it has been 10 years since we had a puppy, and we had forgotten soooo much. And it’s not really our puppy’s fault we had to buy two crates and two pens, the first ones were fine at 8 weeks but not so much at 4 months, yep you guessed, it they grow rapidly. Then the food, OMG! I put her on a healthy diet, JustFoodForDogs, to give her a fighting chance against the garbage that is in Kibble dog food, which has been determined to cause cancer. Then the puppy shots $$$$, the dog trainer $$$$, the vet bills$$$$, it is most definitely like having a child.  And I say the car windows aren’t dirty, that’s just dog art. <Grin>

We all know that dogs are commonly referred to as Man’s best friend. I find in today’s world dogs are our family, much as a child. I mean we all know that dogs love you unconditionally, and love you more than they love themselves.  Here is where I confess that I have grieved very hard for our Gimli as did BFF Hubby. He was fine one day, and goes into the vets to be told he has terminal cancer and has only 2-3 days to live.  There was no time to prepare for his death as one can when a dog is aging.  BFF hubby did not want to even think about getting another dog as nothing can replace Gimli! I had to convince him it is not replacing a dog when getting a new one, it is merely filling the hole they leave in our hearts.

I miss our conversations, I mean who else but Gimli would listen to me, and then give me that look as if to say, “WOW you are right, I would never have thought of that.” He was by my side all day long, and great company when I was working in the garden.  I think it was more relevant to me since I have been retired these last two years and have been with him 24/7, not to be confused with how it is being with BFF hubby 24/7. <Grin> Gimli was not my whole life, but he certainly made my life whole.  I mean gosh. a dog loves his friends, licking them to death, and then he gets to bite his enemies, how cool is that.

I must admit to me the word pet sounds like such an outdated word. I mean after all dogs have been domesticated for 30,000 years and cats 10,000.  And in today’s world the power has most definitely shifted in their favor. They are no longer the creatures of our parents and grandparents, whose pets as I recall, were nothing like the doted upon darlings we surround ourselves with today.  I remember them as being the timid almost feral barn cats who lived a self-sufficient life well beyond human attention, and the easy-going outside dog, who chased groundhogs for pleasure and if he was lucky got to warm himself at night by the fire.

It seems in today’s world our pets have become one of us, human counterparts to be talked to and fussed over, family members who are loved in life and mourned in death. This elevated status would surely make my more hard hearted grandparents turn over in their graves.

It seems that we baby boomers in particular, have seized onto our pets to fill the void of empty nests. I think that animals give us a purpose, a sense of meaning, an altruistic obligation to be active and aware. It does appear as if the younger generation is also aware of this. Whether or not it is because they don’t trust the economy, or just aren’t ready, they are putting off marriage, children and other lifelong commitments, leaving pets to fill the emotional void.

My take away on all of this: it is this blogger’s opinion that pets supply a loyalty that is hard to find in a downsized economy; they don’t judge us or leave us for someone younger or gossip about us behind our backs. They’re used more and more in therapy situations because of their wide-ranging affection – they don’t feel our need to make superficial distinctions between pretty and plain, mobile and disabled, self-assertive and shy.

Dogs and cats are also much more comfortable than humans with prolonged eye contact. Anyone can look into their eyes and get something back. It seems to me that pet owners feel their animals are more reliable than humans, they give “unconditional love.” And my dog is a constant reminder to me that I should experience the simple pleasures of life.  Animals are such agreeable friends, they ask no questions and pass no criticisms. And as Ghandi says: “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”   

I thank you again for taking this retirement journey with me, or as I refer to it, “my longest coffee break."  I'm just sayin’…

Welcome to our newest family member…..Zoey